Healthy Choices

Another deviation from 2 Samuel.

Making healthy decisions on a regular basis can be overwhelming. Historically, I’m not very good at making the healthy choices. From childhood ineffective coping skills, including making decisions to try and protect myself, are ingrained in my thoughts. The goal is to adjust and change my thinking, my reactions, and my behaviors to more effective, more mature, more balanced thinking.

Becoming better at choosing healthy (mentally, physically, and emotionally) actions is the process of becoming an adult. At first, I didn’t even know my thoughts were “child-like.” They were all I knew and not having examples of other ways of thinking, those were the only thoughts I was familiar with. The thoughts and corresponding behaviors did protect me and help me cope as a child, but as an adult they are ineffective. They are in many cases self-destructive.

Change. What’s the process of changing and learning new ways? I thought you just started doing things differently. That’s part of the process, but that is usually the final step in the process. First, I have to recognize the ineffective, dysfunctional thought or action. For instance, when it comes to losing weight, I have tried many things and the results were not beneficial to me. In one sense I knew they worked for losing weight, but in another, the rest of my body and mind was being hurt. My therapist (and I guess I also do now) identified the unhealthy thinking about losing weight as an Eating Disorder (ED for short). So the first step in making “adult” decisions is to recognize and acknowledge the ED thought or behavior. Sometimes, this happens after the poor behavior has already been executed. But it’s a place to start.

Second, I have to argue against or convince myself to think differently. The behavior will not change without an active, logical thought to control it. Sounds easy? It hasn’t been the case for me. Sometimes I don’t know or can’t determine what a healthy thought would be. Through therapy, we talk about these things and come up with alternative possibilities, which I sometimes remember and sometimes don’t (so I ask for help). So, when ED thoughts are identified, I can counter them with the idea of living a healthy lifestyle as the goal (not to lose weight).

Third, I have to determine to choose to engage in the healthy thought and/or do the healthy behavior – not every time but one situation at a time. With ED, it means choosing foods that are healthy for me, or choosing a walk instead of eating an unneeded snack. This usually involves a bit of arguing with myself. Keeping the argument short is a key to making the right choice. The longer the argument goes on, the less likely I am to choose the healthy thing. (I just give up, saying to myself, “I’m never going to change” which is another unhealthy thought and urge to deal with.)

The last part of the process involves repeated success at choosing the “adult healthy” option. Do it enough and a new pattern forms in our brains replacing the old patterns. At first, choosing the beneficial option may not happen every time (it may not ever happen every time), but the more often that choice is made, the easier it becomes to make and the more automatic it will become.

Someday, you will realize that the old pattern interrupts your life infrequently and you have changed. 

Honorable and Dishonorable

We like to think about David as this great man of God who is constantly seeking God’s will and doing exactly what God wanted him to do. We focus on the part where God says that David is a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22). What we forget is that David was a man like any other man. This means he was also sinful (Jesus being the only man who never sinned).

We tell the story of David and Goliath and how great David’s faith was (laying aside that he was seeking something for himself in the process). We tell the story of David conquering his tens of thousands (assuming it was all credited to God’s power). We tell the story of David choosing not to kill Saul because he was God’s anointed (but fail to realize that it was for his own protection he didn’t violate God’s laws).

In 1 Samuel 27, David does act honorably in some ways, but he also acts dishonorably in others. He is a man like every other man. Not all we do is good and not all we do is bad. David was honorable in that he took care of his family. In verse 3 we find David caring for his family and the families of his followers: “And David lived with Achish at Gath, he and his men, each with his household, even David with his two wives . . .” He did not leave them defenseless in Judah with Saul on the prowl. Also, David moved his people away from the capital city of the Philistines to Ziklag where there was a greater propensity for the worship of the God of Israel (Ziklag had once been a part of the land God designated as Judah but the Israelites failed to conquer it). It was close to the boundaries of Judah and there were many Israelites living and worshiping there.

However, David was also ruthless and deceptive. He carried out raids on areas belonging to the Philistines yet told Achish (the Philistine king) that his raids were in the Negrev of Judah. David accumulated much wealth and prosperity through conducting these raids. David knew that Achish would approve of raids on Judah’s territories and highly disapproves of raids on his own people. Also, David didn’t just take the belongings of the towns he raided. He ruthlessly “would attack the land, leaving alive neither men nor women, but taking the sheep, cattle, donkeys, camels and clothing” (verse 9). The reason he did this is clearly stated in verse 11:

The reason David spared neither men nor women to be brought to Gath is that he thought, ‘We don’t want them telling on us, saying, “David did so-and-so.”’

The key to this article is to highlight the fact that David was really not a better man than Saul (or us). However, there is a difference. It’s not David’s thorough goodness that separates him from Saul and others who are not approved by God; it’s his repentance before God. We also can be people approved by God by our repentance. That’s how we become honorable.

Spirit of the Law

In 1 Samuel 21 we see several acts of deception. David misleads Ahimelech, the high priest, by telling Ahimelech that he is on a mission from Saul when he was really fleeing Saul. The high priest was suspicious of David’s actions and motives for coming to the temple, and David lies to him in several ways. Later in chapter 21, David feigns madness to mislead Achish the king of Gath (Goliath’s hometown).

Is telling lies okay with God? Tom Bradford, a commentator, indicates that there is a place for lying, although it is still sin to do so. There are several times in Scripture and throughout history where sinning seems to be okay, however, it is not an example we should follow on a regular basis. Bradford gives the example of Corrie Ten Boom who hid Jews and lied to the Nazi’s in order to save lives. She was disobeying the authorities God had placed over her instead of serving the political policies of her government. Was Corrie wrong to do that? Bradford says that we must not go against the spirit of the Law to fulfill the letter of the Law. Obeying authorities is the letter of the Law. Loving people is the spirit of the Law.

Another commentator, Matthew Henry, put it this way: “Mercy is to be preferred to sacrifice.” He also shared a passage in Matthew 12 where Jesus uses David’s act of deceiving Ahimelech as acceptable because, “I [Jesus] desire compassion, and not a sacrifice” (Matthew 12:7). Henry points out that ritual observance must give way to moral duties.

Knowing this, we must not deceive ourselves into thinking that it’s okay to sin if we think we are doing it for the greater good. David’s deception with Ahimelech led to disastrous consequences. 1 Samuel 22:21-22 tells us what happened: “And Abiathar told David that Saul had killed the priests of the Lord. Then David said to Abiathar, ‘I knew on that day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, that he would surely tell Saul. I have brought about the death of every person in your father’s household.’” All the priests in Nob were killed by Saul and his men for entertaining David.

Whatever the reason for our sin, as noble as we think it might be, it may lead to terrible results. Only God can know what the greater good is, and it’s only by earnestly seeking Him that we have a chance of making the right decisions. Let us not fool ourselves and excuse our sin as being the right thing to do without consulting God and His Word for guidance. Whether it’s telling a “little white lie” or disobeying government authorities, we need to seek out God’s will.

Being Honest With God

Psalm 62:8

“Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us. [Selah.”

I admit it. I struggle to be totally honest with God. There are just some things I’m afraid to share with Him. I don’t think He is a vengeful God who is looking for ways to punish me, but something keeps me from sharing my deepest hurts and fears with Him. When I ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” one thought comes to mind: I’m afraid of what He might ask me to do to deal with the hurt or hang up I’m afraid to share.

However, there are three major faults in this thinking. 1. God already knows my deepest thoughts and feelings and doesn’t reject me. 2. God wants me to be completely honest with Him (pour out my heart). 3. Failure to share with God usually leads to denial of the thoughts or feelings and, as a result, I miss out on God’s peace.

In my past, I would keep a thorough and fearless journal. Most of the time, when writing in the journal, I was able to be fully honest with God. I didn’t have to share with anyone what was written in the journal, but I was able to put words on the thoughts and feelings so God could help me deal with them. Occasionally, writing everything out showed me that what I thought were BIG deals and vitally important to live life, were not as devastating as I thought. Thus I would be able to share these issues with someone who could help me sort things out. Usually, the greatest stressors in my thoughts were things that were just not true; they were lies I believed. Writing them out often showed me where my thinking was quite possibly wrong, and then I could give voice to them and someone would be able to direct me in the way of truth – mostly God’s truth versus Satan’s lies. If I keep those things secret, I cannot break free from the lies and my life will continue to be unhealthy and depressing.

My application for this week is to write in a journal every day for 5 minutes (which often leads to many minutes!) I can then pray to God being open and honest with Him, pouring out my heart and soul to Him. Then I will be able to fully understand God as my refuge and my fortress (Psalm 91:1-2).

Just Some Thoughts

I’ve been sitting at my computer for an hour hoping an idea will just pop into my head. No such luck. Sometimes the well is just dry. Usually I can go to the Word and find some inspiration, something I have enough to say about so that I can write 400-700 words about for my blog article. Today that didn’t happen, even after some time praying about it and writing an email to a friend.

I did read from my list of promises (one for every day of the year) and the corresponding Scripture passage. The promise said, “I will be the voice behind you, guiding you in the way you should go.” This promise is based on Isaiah 30:21 which says, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” This was a promise to the Israelites, but I think Jesus made us similar promises. For instance, He promised that the Holy Spirit will dwell within us prompting us to make good choices. So possibly this promise is a good principle which does apply to us New Testament believers.

I wish my ears heard an audible word from God or the Holy Spirit, telling me exactly what I should do in each situation that comes up in my life. I have to accept the reality of that not happening (although God could communicate with me that way if He wanted to). So that’s why I try to keep myself reading portions of Scripture, having daily devotions, and working on Bible study on a regular basis. Usually God speaks to me through the messages in His written Word.

However, lately I’ve had trouble hearing God communicate with me. The primary reason is that I’m not devoting myself to the study of the Scriptures. I know I should make a concerted effort to get back into the routine, but emotionally and mentally I’m just not motivated to do so. Maybe by telling on myself, I will be motivated to be a little more consistent in doing those things. Maybe not. As I write this article, I pray for all my readers that they will be motivated and diligent in “meeting with God” on a daily basis. I know that when I’m not hearing God’s message, it’s because I haven’t been reading His Word. If you are not hearing God, maybe it’s because you are not reading His Word, either.

Okay, so there were some thoughts from me today. I hope they encourage you. Maybe by next week I will have a more developed topic in mind to write about. That will probably happen if I keep faithful to the various ways I read and study the Scriptures.

The Past and the Present, Another Look

I’m still looking through my journals and email from Jean from 2006. April 4^th of that year found me in the mental hospital (again). During my time there, I learned several things about myself. However, what is standing out to me today is a lesson on why I end up in the hospital.

I was asked to work with the founder of the Trauma Program at the hospital (who was visiting from Texas). I did so and the summary of the session with him is below:

I have been sabotaging my recovery but my plan is to sabotage my recovery.

I’m very successful at this plan

Good news – I’m in control/successful at carrying out plan. I’m tenacious, committed, successful carrying out plan – [per my old rules] I’m a great success at making sure I fail.

Shift plan to a life plan. Modify plan and apply same energy to that plan and be successful at life.

Instead I ramp up my emotions à think how I’m a failure à think kids better without me à depression increases à ramp up emotions à husband doesn’t need me à suicide à closed negative loop

I engineer my own depression. Time to engineer a new plan.

 Much to my surprise, it’s a very similar lesson to the one I learned in March of this year when I, again, had the opportunity to work with the founder of the program (while I was once again in inpatient). One key concept that the doctor tried to get across to me was that I was choosing to be depressed. In my journal on March 12^th, 2015 I wrote what he thought. “I’m throwing a temper tantrum (digging in my heels that everything is hopeless).” I was offended because I thought (and still do) that the depression was at least partially due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. It had been three years since any med changes and things had been good for those three years.

However, there’s possibly a truth to the “digging in my heels” part. Did I again “engineer my own depression?” Did I carry out a plan that lead me back to the hospital? I still don’t know the answer to those questions; however, it is interesting to me that that possibility was brought up in therapy sessions nine years removed from each other. Whether I think that is the only reason the deep depression returned or not, there’s still a lot of work to be done based on the lessons I learned in April 2006.

I still need to work on engineering a plan for recovery and not for self-sabotage. I can see elements of self-sabotage in my behavior leading up to the hospitalization in March. Was I digging in my heels on complying with some of my therapist’s instructions (things that would make me be safe on the outside)? Was I digging in my heels on being willing to try a new med combination according to my psychiatrist’s suggestions? Was I unwilling to listen to positive messages God was giving me through His Word and other people?

I think that the answer to those questions is “to some degree” even if not entirely. It’s amazing to me to find myself in the same spot I was in nine years ago. This is a bit depressing, but it also tells me that God has not given up on teaching me the same lesson over and over again, as I may need it. He still thinks there’s a chance I can learn the lesson and grow in the areas He’s pointing out to me. So it’s something to be thankful for. And I need to consider whether I create my own depressions, at least in part, as I try to engineer new positive plans in my life.

Thirty Sterling Principles, Part 4

Principles #8, #9, and #10 are the subject of today’s article. Principle #8 is found in Proverbs 23:6-8 and says,

“Don’t accept a meal from a tightwad; don’t expect anything special. He’ll be as stingy with you as he is with himself; he’ll say, ‘Eat! Drink!’ but won’t mean a word of it. His miserly serving will turn your stomach when you realize the meal’s a sham.”

The underlying message here is that the miserly will grudgingly give you a meal and you will leave the meal feeling like you have taken something that wasn’t freely offered. This passage challenged me to not be a tightwad; to offer a meal or my resources willingly and not grudgingly. In general I think I do a pretty good job of that, but there are times when I question my spending. There’s a line between being a tightwad and being responsible with the resources God has given me. I need to evaluate each expenditure and figure out if I’m giving grudgingly or meeting a true need.

Principle #9 is found in Proverbs 23:9 which says,

“Don’t bother talking sense to fools; they’ll only poke fun at your words.”

Sometimes, when dealing with young people, you have to talk sense to them whether they are being foolish or not. They might poke fun at your words, but we have to attempt to talk sense to them. I find myself praying for the “fools” in my life; that they would not dismiss wisdom when they hear it, but take it in and apply it to their lives. Sometimes it means being patient and withstanding angry or illogical rebuttals from the fools. 

However, there are fools in my life that are adults and have developed a life long habit of poking fun at the sense talked to them. I think this verse is saying that we shouldn’t try to argue with them or discuss with them because they will not listen and it will be wasted effort. Such wasted effort will just bring unnecessary frustration into our lives.

Finally, for today, Principle #10 is in Proverbs 23:10-11:

“Don’t stealthily move back the boundary lines or cheat orphans out of their property. For they have a powerful Advocate who will go to bat for them.”

This principle is a similar warning to Principle #4, which also speaks to moving the boundary lines. As I thought more about this, I realized that some of the boundary lines I move on the unsuspecting have to do with my standards for others’ behaviors. If I make a rule and don’t follow through on enforcing the rule or change the rule without clear notification I’m stealthily moving the boundary line. I have done that when making rules for my kids to follow. I have failed both to hold them to the standard I set and to changing the standard without telling them about it. That is not fair to them and I need to work on it, trying to be more consistent and fair in my rule setting and enforcing. I also need to make sure I’m not setting a boundary line where I can’t enforce it.

The Prudent Evaluate

I’m still making my way through the book of Proverbs. There’s an abundance of sound thinking in every verse so I could probably talk a little bit about every verse that I read. However, today the verse that stood out to me was Proverbs 14:15 which says, “The gullible believe anything they’re told; the prudent sift and weigh every word.” [The Message] Or in the NASB, it says, “The naïve believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps.”

Being gullible or naïve is not a positive thing according to this verse. I know many people who are gullible and believe whatever they read on Facebook or see on television. That can get us into trouble in numerous ways. In my life, it often means getting my hopes up where there should be caution. I want to believe the good I read or hear. I think we all do. However, God’s caution in this passage of Scripture is to weigh and sift everything we hear or see.

The question is not whether it’s true or not, although that’s part of it. The question, for me, is whether it lines up with Scripture or not. That’s how I evaluate the veracity (truthfulness) of the things I hear and see. It means evaluating the source of the information I’m getting. For me, the only reliable source of information is the Bible. There are friends, mentors, pastors, and some acquaintances that are generally trustworthy, but even they can get things wrong sometimes. I don’t think they intend to relay false information, but they just may not have all the facts in a given situation.

Right now in my life, I am weighing and sifting the truths put forward by social system. We have a situation in our lives that demands rigorous honesty, yet the powers that be are unwilling or unable to be totally truthful with some of the participants in the situation. Where is my role in this situation. I want to make sure I am only speaking truth – but I don’t know what the truth is. So I also have to sift and weigh what I say along with what I believe in order to make sure I’m not leading anyone astray.

Whether I’m listening or talking, I need to be sure I am getting to the truth of a situation. The only way to do this is by bringing everything to God in prayer. And waiting patiently for His answers. That takes a lot of trusting. I pray we all can decipher the truth in the situations in our lives.

How to Get Invited to God's Place: Psalm 15

Who gets invited to dinner with God? That is the question David asks and answers in Psalm 15. Verse 1 asks the questions: “God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?” [The Message] Then David goes on to answer the question in the next four verses.

I looked at the answers and tried to honestly evaluate how I would measure up. It was a humbling experience. I looked at the answers in two versions of Scripture, The Message and the New American Standard Bible (NASB).

The first criteria is to “walk straight” or “walk with integrity.” The best I could say about my efforts in this area is that I try to walk with integrity. I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do so I can’t say I do this perfectly. I try to be true to my word and do what I say I’m going to do and I try not to say I’ll do something then not follow through on it. One example where I have failed is in promising God to memorize His Scripture. I am just not very good at following through on that commitment.

The next criteria for being invited to God’s house for dinner is “act right” or “work righteousness.” Again, the best I can say is I try. I’m so thankful for God’s mercy and forgiveness that we have in Jesus. Without it, I would never get invited to God’s place because I do fail to act right, mostly I fail to even think about what right acting would look like.

Next is to “tell the truth” or “speak truth.” I was able to honestly say that I do this most of the time. Again, I’m not perfect and I’m thankful for God’s forgiveness and for the opportunities to try to improve upon it. But for the most part I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I don’t spread lies about other people and I try to only speak that which is true. Sometimes I don’t know what the truth is. In those cases, I try not to speak at all.

Another criteria is “don’t hurt your friend” or “does not slander with the tongue.” I don’t think I do that. I try to look at the positives in people and I’m cautious about saying bad things about another person. Another aspect of this criteria is “not taking up a reproach.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds to me like it means not spreading a bad rumor (or even the bad truth) about another person. I have to be careful to not be involved in spreading gossip and rumors. I don’t do it often but I can be lulled into thinking I’m just sharing a prayer request but may be spreading a rumor.

In verse 3 it also mentions that we shouldn’t “blame a neighbor” or “do evil to a neighbor.” I like to think I take personal responsibility for things that happen in my life. I don’t place blame on others when I’m at fault. But I also need to be careful not to place blame on others when it’s not my fault. I should let God decide where the blame goes.

Verse 4 says, as another criteria, “despise the despicable” or “despise reprobate and honor those who fear God.” I’m at fault here. Sometimes I laugh at a dirty joke or go along with watching less than godly television shows and movies. That’s not despising the despicable. It’s condoning the despicable things. I need to evaluate where and when I do this and try to change my ways. After all, I’d rather be invited to God’s place than watch a questionable show.

People Pleasing and Honesty

It was brought to my attention today that sometimes I worry too much about other people’s feelings. Call me a people pleaser if you will, I don’t want to say or do things that might make other people upset. While this can be a good thing in some ways, in other ways it means I allow myself to be hurt.

For instance, today as therapy was winding down, I let the time slip away and the session went on for too long. I wanted to get out of there to make it to my AA meeting in a timely fashion. I’m usually late to my meeting and I go in each time 10 – 15 minutes late and apologize for being late. Every week. Why? Because I’m too afraid of offending my therapist to say, “Time’s up. I need to leave.” I’m worried about hurting her feelings.

I realized today that if I want to be an honest person and hold fast to my values that I need to speak up when necessary. The funny thing is that by telling my therapist time is up, I’m actually not likely to offend her. It’s actually doing her a favor by helping her keep on time. And, it serves my purpose of getting to my meeting on time. So, today I spoke up, felt guilty, went to my meeting late, and heard an awesome message reminding me that if I’m going to be honest about my feelings, I need to speak up about them.

This is not the only example of when I need to speak up and share from my feelings. Sometimes I worry too much about what others might think if I stated my opinion. I find I often do this with my husband. The man loves me and there’s very little in the way of my opinions that I can speak up about where he will become mad or offended. Yet I worry about it way too often.

I’m not saying I need to say everything that comes to my mind, but much of what I have to say would not offend or harm anyone. I’m just afraid to say anything. So, today, in this post, I’m saying I should not be so afraid of speaking my mind or my opinion. I can even say things that might be hard for other people to hear, if I say them with genuine love and concern. I can definitely state my opinion about many things without being afraid. I need to get over being afraid of saying what I think and feel. Today I grew in my awareness of my people pleasing tendencies and now I can take steps to be more honest with the people in my life.

Lies and Truths

I really don’t like to talk politics in my blog, but I do try and talk truth. Some advertisements regarding Michigan’s Proposal #2 are downright lies. That bothers me. Really bothers me. It bothers me enough that I have to say something.

This proposal has nothing to do with child safety, yet these advertisements say things like voting yes on the proposal is the same thing as putting criminals to work in schools. That is ridiculous. Utterly and totally false. None of the precautions in the laws of Michigan that require background checks on school employees will be even touched by what Proposal #2 will do.

In many ways the assertions of the false advertisements are designed to evoke an emotional response in people. Not a logical, reasonable response, but an emotional response. People should not vote based solely on their emotions. People should not act in any way based solely on their emotions. That’s what I’ve been taught and that’s what I try to do.

Admittedly, I have trouble listening to my emotions. I often act only out of logical thinking. That’s not necessarily the best way to do things either. I’m not trying to say it is. But, I think some logic, serious thought, and some honest assessment of the facts needs to be a part of our decision-making processes.

To vote in this election, on this proposal, on every ballot item, please use some honest fact checking and base your votes on the truth and not on advertisements that are designed to get you to vote without thinking.

Again, let me say that Proposal #2 will not put children in danger in any way, shape, or form. It will protect children by allowing teachers to negotiate class size, police to get needed equipment, and firefighters to use the best possible techniques and technologies to provide safety for all involved.

Vote Yes on Proposal #2.

Thanks for indulging me my first, and probably last, politically motivated post.

Disappointment

I struggle with not wanting to disappoint anyone. And, when I do something, or fail to do something, I get afraid. I am afraid the people I disappoint will be mad at me. Part of me deals with that perceived anger by trying to hide. When I was a little kid, I would actually, physically hide. Part of me still wants to.

The longer I wait to deal with the possible disappointment, the stronger the desire to run away or hide becomes. Sometimes I don’t have a choice about waiting; the person I need to be honest with is physically not available. When that happens my adult self – the part of me that should deal with the possible conflict – begins to slip away. And, the little kid part of me begins to talk to me about hiding the truth, not dealing with the conflict, because there is only one answer to the situation: I am bad and deserve to be punished.

This is when the adult me needs to jump in and say, “doing bad is not the same as being bad.” I need to remind myself that I can make better choices, or even just different choices. I can choose my behavior and choose to do the things that will not disappoint someone else. And, only choose behavior that is good for me.

I disappoint people when I make choices that only lead to self-destruction and not to recovery. I have to remember that others may be disappointed with my choices because they only care about me. That’s hard for me to grasp sometimes because the little kid part is afraid of punishment. But, I need to remind myself that people who love me only want what’s best for me. They are not out to punish me. They need to know where I’m struggling, so they can help me. I need to be honest with where the struggles are so they can encourage me and pray for me.

With the help of others, I can make different choices on a daily basis and avoid disappointing the people who care about me.

Rigorous Honesty

In Alcoholics’ Anonymous (AA), we talk a lot about rigorous honesty and its importance to staying sober. But rigorous honesty can do more for us than keep us from taking a drink. And, it can also be the last defense against the first drink.

When I’m honest in the rest of my life, I am doing what it takes to stay sober. When struggling with some area of my life, like diabetes management, dishonesty makes things worse. My mood, level of irritability, concentration, and inner turmoil will increase when I am not willing to be honest about how things are going. Each little truth shared with a trusted friend or small group lessens the turmoil. Things may still be going wrong. I may still be avoiding doing the right things. I may continue to make bad decisions. However, telling the truth about those things means I’m not lying to myself or to others.

Lies make things worse. Think about it. You do something you shouldn’t. You feel bad. You know you did it and you know it effects your relationship(s) to others in some way. You know you got away with it. You know no one knows, except you. How do you feel? Assuming you have a conscience, you don’t feel good. In my case, my stomach gets upset, I may get a headache, I don’t want to be around people, I lack energy to do anything, and I stop talking with God. Now, add the dishonesty. Now I want to actually, physically hide from other people. Now I might tell a lie to hide behind. Now I may start to believe that what I did was okay.

But deep down I know it isn’t and I feel worse than ever. Enter rigorous honesty. I confess to someone, admit where I’m struggling, and the problem, with its emotions and thoughts, diminish just a little bit. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to change; it just makes change possible. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to suddenly be obedient in every area; it just allows you to have choices. Being honest doesn’t mean you are perfect; it just develops progress and growth.

So today I remember one other AA saying: There is nothing that a drink won’t make worse. I think the same can be said about the lack of rigorous honesty: There is nothing a lie won’t make worse.