Who is in Control

Looking out my office window, I wonder what’s going on “out there?” I’m not talking about the squirrels running all over the place or the birds flitting around the bird feeders. I’m talking about the whole wide world out there.

I do not understand the intricacies of the way the world works. I know I am not an eyewitness to all that is happening. But, things – miracles even – are happening. Everyday the sun comes up. The rain or the sunshine blesses us. And doctors and scientists discover new treatments, cures and preventatives. I have to remember that all this is happening under the influence of a Mighty God.

I was impressed by these thoughts as I read and studied 2 Kings 2, and looked back on the things Elijah, the prophet of God, was able to do because of God’s empowerment. In 1 Kings, I read that he withheld the rain and created a drought in the lands of the 10 northern tribes of Israel. Then God told him to end the drought and a deluge fell upon the area. Elijah challenged the false prophets by making a sacrifice for their gods to consume, which never happened. Then Elijah prepared his sacrifice for God including drenching it all with buckets and buckets and buckets of water. God consumed the soggy mess right down to the ground, which was dry at the end. God protected Israel, in spite of their lack of faithfulness, from invading armies. Now in 2 Kings, Elijah is able to confront an evil and angry king with God’s full protection. He divided the water of the Jordan River with his cloak (reminding me of the Red Sea being parted by Moses’ staff). And he trained up a successor, Elisha. And finally, Elijah was taken into the heavens on a wind being escorted by a blazing chariot, to be seen no more.

What does all that have to do with what I see (and don’t see) out my window? I need to sit in amazement at the wonderful things God has done, is doing, and will do. He’s a powerful God whose plans are not yet fulfilled on this earth or in the heavens. As Habakkuk encouraged the people during his time as prophet:

“Look among the nations! Observe!
Be astonished! Wonder!
Because I am doing something in your days—
You would not believe if you were told.” (Habakkuk 1:5)

So, I will look out my window expecting to see God’s handiwork, but I will also be looking for what God is doing on a much bigger scale. Just as He has always done, He is doing things we cannot imagine, and we should be amazed.

Dumpster Diving

This week for my blog, I’m going to talk about something God showed me in a Quiet Time about my mental health recovery. Please join me on this path before I get back to finishing up 1 Kings.

I read Philippians 3:4-9 and something stood out to me about Paul’s description of himself (vs. 4-7) and his conclusions in vs. 8-9. In the NLT verses 4-9 say

⁴ though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!⁵ I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. ⁶ I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

So in looking at verses 4-7, I evaluated my skills, concepts, tools, credentials, pride, and education that I relied on to handle my life. As I looked back, I saw that much of what I relied on, maybe all I relied on – coping mechanisms, education, certificates, diplomas – were either unhealthy or unhelpful as I try to live a productive life as Christ’s servant, or even as an healthy adult person. In many ways I’ve been able to develop new approaches to living that are helpful. But what have I done with the dysfunctional aspects of my life?

Verses 8-9 tell us what Paul did with all his credentials and thoughts that did not coincide with his new faith in Christ. Paul considered all his credentials, degrees, birthrights, and qualifications as garbage in light of the new revelation of Christ. Most garbage was useful for a time, but became useless over time. The usefulness of what Paul now considers junk, was in knowing the Scriptures and seeing how they lead to Christ. Obeying the Old Testament was the only measure they had for righteousness.

But Paul says in this passage that all of that is garbage to him because he now sees the fulfillment through Jesus Christ, and his righteousness is not based on the law but on faith. This reminded me of all those things (coping mechanisms) I held onto so tightly as a child and into my adulthood. They were useful, but as I grew and was no longer in the same situations or danger, they only confused what my adult behaviors should and could be. To me, they are worthless and useless (most of the time) as I’ve learned new coping strategies and matured in dealing with my emotions in adult ways. I never really thought of them as garbage before. However, in learning new ways, new ideas, and identifying feelings I’d long stuffed, they have become useless (and they were never all that helpful). As a result, I am closer to Christ and recognize that my “goodness,” “righteousness” is solely dependent on my faith in Christ. 

So as I was thinking about that more during the next few days, I felt ashamed because in a recent session with my therapist, I tried to cover myself in garbage when things got tough. Useless, worthless and obsolete coping behaviors don’t really match up with God’s plan or with my being an adult. I regret all the times when I hop into the trash bin and try to pull out the things that I have, for the most part, done away with. I picture myself, digging in the filth and rotten food, smearing myself in it, trying to regain what I thought I had lost. However, the rotten banana peel I’m rubbing myself in is no longer functional. I think that looking at the old coping skills as trash (obsolete, worn out, useless thoughts and behaviors) is a new perspective and may help me in the future to not fall into using them.

This imagery of dumpster diving is so vivid in my mind, that when I’m tempted to use the old, outdated, and worthless tools for coping with life, I think twice. I find that there are many things I rely on to navigate through life that need to be put in the trash so I can be more effective in this world for the sake of Christ.

·      What are you doing with the old creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and its ways of doing things?

·      Are you also dumpster diving?

·      How can you change that to be more effective for Christ, and to live a productive life?

·      Is it time to let your faith be the primary coping mechanism in your life?

God Keeps Calling

We come to 1 Kings 20, which takes a break from the Elijah and Elisha story lines. The situation is that Israel (referring to the northern 10 tribes) is in a relative time of peace from surrounding nations. However, the king, still Ahab, and government leaders have let down their guard and have not paid attention to the political and military climates of those surrounding nations.

There are several reasons that the king of Aram (modern day Syria) takes this opportunity to challenge and threaten Israel. Most of them had to do with Aram’s position in the region, and having a chance to take over Israel as they have wanted to do for many years, they gave it a try. Ahab’s alliances were soft. He essentially had no trained military. So Ben-hadad of Aram sent messengers to Ahab telling him that Ahab would have to turn over everything of value – land, gold, silver, crops, wives, children, servants – to him to avoid a deadly battle. Ahab was willing to give up a lot, but when Ben-hadad’s demands cut so deep it was humiliating, he refused and Aram moved into position to attack.

Then God stepped in. God sent a prophet to Ahab and told him that, in spite of the vast army assembled outside the gates, He would give Ahab the victory. Of course, Ahab was skeptical since God told him to gather only a few young men (232), none of who were soldiers or military men in any way. The newly formed army moved out to meet Ben-hadad’s armies and caught Ben-hadad thoroughly drunk and unprepared. Even as Ben-hadad was hosting 32 kings who were his allies, God’s small army moved in. Of course, as we would expect from remembering how God always provided the victory when He said He would, the 232 in Israel’s “army” soundly defeated the vast army of Aram.

The point of this story is two-fold for me. First, it showed that in spite of Ahab and Israel’s continued disobedience and grave sinfulness, God would again act out of His great mercy. I would say His never-ending mercy. In the last chapter, God was rebuking Elijah for his desires to bring wrath down on Israel because of their disobedience. But that is not God’s way with His people (then or now). Here, God again calls to Israel for repentance with an act of mercy by protecting them from Ben-hadad and his army. A gentle calling, an announcement that the God of Israel is a loving and longsuffering God, continually waiting on His people to become obedient. God never stops calling out to sinners attempting to draw them to Himself.

The second point for me, based on the first, is that God is still calling. He is calling for His people in the church to repent and return to worshiping Him. We as a people have continued to go astray from His commands and His wishes. Individually, we continue to sin and rebel against God’s laws and try to do things our own way. God’s calling also extends to everyone. He hasn’t stopped calling people to Himself and no matter how grave the sin or disobedience, He does not write people off as unable to be saved. He asks us to mirror His character by also mercifully, gently, and persistently calling to others to repent, turn to Him, and honor Him.

Are there people or groups of people you have given up on? 

What would God say about that? 

Are we acting as He would have us act – loving, merciful, gentle, and persistent? 

I intend to keep loving people however they behave and however they think, as that is what God is doing.

Besides, only God knows what’s going on in the hearts and minds of people. Since I don’t know and you can’t always tell by their behavior how desperate, lonely, frustrated, angry, despairing, or confused they might be, I will keep calling to them. My job is not to judge. My job is to be God’s voice to the world, mirroring His gentle, loving, and forgiving call to everyone.

Dreams

The color was the deepest blue. The rays coming through the clouds dazzled my eyes. I was anticipating a great day. My life long companion was keeping step with me as we leisurely strolled through the crowd. Some were waiting in line and some were sitting and eating lunch. I couldn’t decide what to do first.

Out of nowhere, the sky became darkened and the clouds bunched together. They were ominous and my visions of a beautiful day rapidly dissolved. I instinctively turned to ask my husband what we should do, but he wasn’t there. Was this the beginning of a horror story? Looked around and everything was swirling around me. My feet lifted and set down but I did not know where to go or how to get there. Sheets of water were pummeling me so I took the first shelter I could find: a house of mirrors. I was swallowed up by the hallways, and when I turned around the entrance was no longer in my sight. There was screaming. Or was it in my head? My heart was galloping away within me. I tried to ask for help, but no one even turned to me when I tried to speak.

Then I was alone, running, ever running through the maze of mirrors, colliding headlong into panes of the silvery glass. My own reflection terrorized me; I thought it was a monster. After what seemed like hours, days, months I fell and was shaking. It was hopeless. I was trapped, alone. I reached for my purse with my diabetes supplies. It wasn’t there. In fact, I had no bag of any kind.

Where was my husband? Where was my protector? I withdrew inside myself; I don’t know how much time passed. Two men were grabbing me, forcing me to stand. I cried out for my companion, but he was not there. They forced me outside the maze then set me free. I was standing on hot black asphalt – an empty parking lot. I started running and screaming. I just knew my blood sugars were dropping with every step but I didn’t know what else to do. No money, no food, no credit card, no diabetes kit, and no phone. My face was wet, but it wasn’t raining anymore.

I sat up and heaved a sigh. Where was my husband? Lying beside me. I should’ve felt safe but didn’t.

That was a recurring dream I had often for many years. Sometimes in the dream (or should I call it a nightmare?) I would run helter-skelter through a shopping mall or a mountain resort looking for my husband. I felt that he had left me and didn’t care what happened to me. I was tormented by the thought, even once I was awake.

In talking with my therapist about these dreams, I came to realize that they were reflecting my thoughts and feelings about the world. I felt alone. I felt there was no one willing to help me. These dreams happened during the time I was struggling the most with my bipolar disorder and was convinced that nobody was going to stay by me or cared what happened to me.

I cannot remember having such a dream in a few years. My waking hours are crowded with people who care about me and are here to help me. And, I accept that love and concern. I’m thinking, as my recovery is ongoing, I have become less afraid of people leaving me. I’m especially more confident that my husband would not only never leave me, but he won’t leave me even for a short while without making sure I have what I need to survive (mentally and physically) while he’s gone. I am also more confident in myself and generally can appropriately take care of myself.

God created us to have dreams to tell us something. In Genesis 40, God gave the king’s deposed cupbearer and baker dreams. They also needed help to “interpret” them. Joseph enters the scene and gives them both an interpretation. My dreams, hopefully, do not reflect a future for me as the cupbearer’s and baker’s did, but enlighten my past and my present. And sometimes they are just bizarre things my mind comes up with during sleep. 

Break from 1 Kings

The semester was almost over. The halls were decked out in green, red, silver, and gold. Every doorway was shimmering from the decorations. Snowflakes and angels swung from the ceiling. There was laughter and merriment everywhere. It seemed something marvelous was filling the air.

I was not feeling it. Yeah, yeah, another Christmas. I rarely got what I asked for. It meant going to church extra times whether the snow was creating a white-out or not. Others seemed happy and excited. I just couldn’t get into it. Once upon a time, in the deepest recesses of my memory, I anticipated Christmas (and the break from school), like everyone else. Not anymore.

I prepared little gifts and hid them in the mailbox or dorm room of the person to whom I had been assigned the role of Secret Santa. And, it was nice to get little gifts or notes everyday from my Secret Santa, but I wasn’t expecting much.

I will never forget that time in my life.

My Secret Santa included little rectangular white cards in each day’s surprise. There were words on them. I remember eventually figuring out that the words were from the Bible (so many women on my floor believed that stuff). Yet, I read them. Day after day for a week, the cards built the story of Christmas. One of the last cards I got said,

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people.”  Luke 2:10

I remember thinking I could use some “great joy.”

The next day, the card read,

“for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

Something struck me! TODAY. For today, that day, whichever day I wanted, a Savior – Christ the Lord – could be born for me. I pondered that a few days. Another, different woman on my floor, who had been willing to hang around with me all semester cornered me a few days later. She talked about why I felt so inept at pleasing God. She talked about how Christmas is all about the way to be pleasing to God, Jesus. I didn’t make any instant decisions, but I had a lot to ponder.

When I tell my faith journey story, I usually focus on the love, patience, kindness, and words of the second woman. Someone recently pointed out to a small group I had just shared my story with, that God used a seemingly benign college dorm activity to prepare my heart for Him. The activity was something rooted in the traditional celebration of Christmas – Santa! God intertwined the traditions and the truth of Christmas to call me to Him and into right relationship with the real meaning of Christmas. That’s a miracle. That shows that God is in control of everything.

Loopholes

1 Kings chapters 5-8 are all about the Temple being built in Jerusalem. While it’s an interesting read, and the commentator we use (Tom Bradford) highlights some important points we need to understand for our future study of the history of Israel, there are not a lot of practical commands or doctrines for people today. The measurements (in cubits) and the materials used (Lebanese cedar wood, lots of gold, bronze, intricate carvings and statues) are hard for me to understand or really imagine. The Temple, and later, Solomon’s palace were structures to behold. They were easily the grandest things in Israel.

In verse 51 of chapter 7, there are items mentioned that were not included in the construction and furnishing of the Temple or Palace:

Thus all the work that King Shlomo [Solomon] did in the house of Adonai was finished. After this, Shlomo brought in the gifts which David his father had dedicated — the silver, the gold and the utensils — and put them in the treasuries of the house of Adonai. (Complete Jewish Bible)

The second half of this verse says that Solomon did not include David’s gifts in the Temple itself, but put those gifts in the treasury. If we look back at 2 Samuel 7, the prophet Nathan relayed to David what God said about David building the Temple. The bottom line was that David was not to do it. David wasn’t completely satisfied with that answer. David quickly began looking for loopholes. He wouldn’t “build” the Temple but he would supply all the materials needed for it. He wouldn’t build the Temple but he would have fine craftsmen make beautiful and expensive vessels to be used in the Temple.

David was looking for ways to get away with something he was told not to do. He was looking for ways to get away with not doing the commands God had given him. Before we get too harsh with David, we need to evaluate our own lives. Aren’t there things we are directed not to do, but immediately we begin searching for loopholes (think taxes if you can’t think of something else)? Aren’t there places we say, “I’m technically following a rule or command, but not following the spirit of the rule?”

I am confronted by my own loophole hunting. Maybe not violating God’s commands openly and willfully, but how many times do I say, “Just this once,” or “It’s not hurting anyone.” It may not even be a Scriptural principle I’m trying to find loopholes for. Sometimes it’s just trying to get out of doing something I said I would do. “It doesn’t matter that much.” However, each time I lose my integrity, at the very least, I feel bad about me. God gives us rules and commands to keep us safe and focused on Him (not on how many sweets I can eat before gaining weight).

This week I’m going to keep my word (even if it’s only between God and myself), and stop looking for loopholes.

How Would You Answer?

I’m getting right to the point. God said to Solomon: “Tell me what I should give you” (1 Kings 3:5b CJB). God is saying to us, “Tell me what I should give you.” How would you answer?

Solomon answered, demonstrating three aspects we should use.  First, Solomon was thankful (vs. 6). He thanked God for all He had done for David including giving David a son to sit on his throne. Second, in verse 7, Solomon confessed his weaknesses: “So now, Adonai my God, you have made your servant king in the place of David my father; but I am a mere child — I don’t know how to lead!” (CJB)

Finally, Solomon made his petition in verses 8 and 9:

Moreover your servant is among your people, whom you chose, a great people so numerous that they cannot be counted. ⁹ Therefore, give your servant an understanding heart able to administer justice to your people, so that I can discern between good and bad — for who is equal to judging this great people of yours?”

Solomon asked for an understanding heart. A heart that would be able to hand out justice, according to God’s wisdom, for the people God chose. Solomon wanted to discern what was good versus bad in God’s eyes. Solomon recognized he was not “equal” to do such judging on his own. He was concerned about carrying out the role God had given him and in taking care of God’s people as best as he could.

How would you answer? What would be at the top of your list? Would help for personal situations and needs or wants be on top? Picture yourself sitting in front of God. What would be most important to Him? Are those our day-to-day concerns?

God answered Solomon in verses 10-14, and the answer went far beyond the humble request of Solomon:

¹⁰ What Shlomo [Solomon] had said in making this request pleased Adonai. ¹¹ God said to him, “Because you have made this request instead of asking long life or riches for yourself, or your enemies’ death, but rather asked for yourself understanding to discern justice; ¹² I am doing what you requested. I am giving you a wise and understanding heart, so that there has never been anyone like you, nor will there ever again be anyone like you. ¹³ I am also giving you what you didn’t ask for, riches and honor greater than that of any other king throughout your life. ¹⁴ More than that, if you will live according to my ways, obeying my laws and mitzvot [commands] like your father David, I will give you a long life.”

Solomon had focused his request on the things God would want. He focused on what would further the Kingdom of God. And God granted him his request – and so much more. This reminds me of Matthew 6:33 and Jesus’s instructions to His disciples:

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. (NASB).

God knows our needs and one of His promises in the New Testament says, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 NASB). Both Solomon and Paul (the writer of Philippians) understood that by serving God and His purposes, their needs (and our needs) would be taken care of (added to us).
Do we understand this? Are we asking of God according to His purposes and to further His Kingdom?
How would you answer God’s question?

Exciting News

Coming this fall. The second edition of my memoir, The Tootsie Roll Lady: a memoir of mental illness, alcoholism & faith, will be released hopefully in time for Christmas presents.

For those of you who have read the first edition, I recommend purchasing the second edition as it updates my recovery starting after 2005 in an additional Epilogue at the end of the book. There is also a 2019 additional Prologue.

For those of you who have never read it, I think this is an important time to rerelease this book because mental illness is very much misunderstood in today’s cultural, political and health environment. The Tootsie Roll Lady takes the reader through the traumas, struggles, and effects of the mentally ill, from a very personal point of view. Much of society makes assumptions about those with mental illness, and those assumptions are based on the media’s views. The Tootsie Roll Lady addresses those assumptions as readers see mental illness from the inside out.

In coming blog articles, I will explain my reasons for updating and launching this new edition of the book. In the meantime, if you are in a big hurry to read the first edition, it can be purchased at Lulu.com in either paperback or an eBook. Right now there’s a 10% discount. The Tootsie Roll Lady is also available at Amazon.com but there’s no discount there and it’s only available in paperback.

Be looking for more information on the release of the second edition. I will be notifying you in my blog but also in Facebook (More Than Wishing is the business site).

Until next week, know I’m praying for each and every one of my readers and followers. May God bless you and encourage you to keep Him central in your life journey.

Recovery Thoughts

This week I’m deviating from the series on 2 Samuel for my blog article. As I was reviewing some journal entries and emails to my friend from 2007, I discovered a few things. Some positive areas in my life and some areas where much work is still needed. Today I’m going to share with you how things have changed in my mental health since 2007.

First, a little background. I’m an insulin dependent diabetic. In the early stages of my recovery I desperately wanted to lose weight. Desperately. So desperately that I was willing to forfeit my health for that single cause. So I misused my insulin because the less insulin the more the body relies on burning fat for energy. As a result, my blood sugars were way above the normal, desirable range and probably causing damage to my kidneys, eyes, brain, and other areas of my body. But, as I said, I wanted to desperately lose weight. That plan of action was dysfunctional to say the least, and ultimately deadly. It landed me in the medical hospital at least two times (always followed by a stay at the mental hospital). The imbalances in my blood sugars also created aggravation to my mental illness, and I would become irrational and take on risky behaviors. And I was frequently uncooperative.

So that’s the background. 2007 was smack-dap in the middle of those years. I was manipulating my insulin dosing and it was a constant battle with my husband, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my diabetes care team as they tried to get me to comply with their guidelines for caring for myself. It’s different now. I can’t remember the last time I thought about manipulating my insulin with the goal of losing weight in mind. That’s a significant milestone in my recovery.

My focus now is working towards having a healthy lifestyle. That involves careful diabetes management, increasing exercise, eating healthily, and taking my meds (the psych meds and the medical meds) as prescribed. None of those things were being taken care of in 2007.

Second, in 2007 I was just learning about certain aspects of my mental illness. I was fragmented with different aspects of my personality acting independently from the others. I have gotten to a point where I’m aware of the aspects of my emotional life and am better able to look at situations from a whole person perspective.

Third, self-harming urges and behaviors (including suicidal ideation) are much more manageable. In fact, both self-harm and suicide have become almost non-issues. Many years of looking for escapes from dealing with stressful situations in my life have influenced my thought patterns. But now, when the thoughts come (and they rarely do anymore), I can easily dismiss them and look for other ways to cope with the stressors in my life. A big part of this change happened in 2017 when I got a diagnosis of cancer. I suddenly realized that I wanted to live, that I have much to live for, and that, with my therapist’s and friends’ help, I can find other ways to cope in previously hopeless situations. I no longer need to escape my feelings or thoughts; I just work through them.

I don’t know if these changes seem significant to you or not, but to me they are huge. While there are still areas to work on including living a healthy lifestyle and unifying all aspects of my personality, I’m able to pursue those activities because I’m not looking for a way out of the struggles and I’m not distracted by them from getting to core issues. I’m rejoicing in the work God has done in my life. Maybe you can rejoice with me, too.

Suspicions and Misunderstandings

Coming to chapter 10 of 2 Samuel, we see some more incidences of battles recorded. These battles happened because of suspicions and misunderstandings. When the king of the Ammonites dies, his son, Hanun, becomes ruler. David sincerely sent a diplomatic detachment to Amon to pay respect and give condolences to Hanun. But Hanun’s advisors said it was all a trick. Let’s read 2 Samuel 10:2b-3 in the CJB:

So David sent his servants to pass him a message of comfort concerning his father. David’s servants entered the territory of the people of ‘Amon; ³ but the leaders of the people of ‘Amon said to Hanun their lord, “Do you really think David is honoring your father by sending people to comfort you? Hasn’t David actually sent his servants to you in order to look the city over, reconnoiter it and overthrow it?”

I was impressed by the fact that governments around the world still get into wars and skirmishes because of perceived threats and suspicions. The hard part is telling when it’s a real threat to the safety of one nation’s people, and when it is not. As I look at the Middle East, I do not begin to understand which perceived threats are real and which are not. What I do understand is that Israel is God-ordained to rule over the Promised Land. How that comes about in its entirety we have yet to see, but in the meantime, we need to remember that God still loves Israel and desires for them to return to all the teachings in the Old Testament. A time will come where everything will happen in Israel. God is not finished with Israel yet.

This challenges my attitudes about Israel’s current political and military condition. They are still trying to deal with the threats from their neighbors. We have seen incidences where those threats were real and carried out (suicide bombers, missile launches into Israeli lands, other things we don’t see readily reported in the news). All we get is accounts of Israel’s responses to those attacks, and Israel is seen as an aggressor. My views have been warped by the current trends in some of the media. I’m adjusting to this new way of thinking. I wish there was a way for Israel to regain the entire Promised Land without wars, skirmishes, violence of any kind, and without being perceived as violating human rights. I can keep praying for that, but these conditions originated long ago when Israel failed to carry out God’s orders to rid the land of other nations. The battle continues today.

Assimilation

Does the Old Testament matter? What are we supposed to be like as Christians? Are there things I have to do? Or things I should do? How do we know what a Christian is supposed to look like and act like?

I found a warning in 1 Samuel 31. It comes from a seemingly minor point in the story. My focus was not on Saul’s death, which is usually what I’ve seen focused on in this chapter. My focus was caught by a note by one of the commentators (Bradford) regarding the way Saul’s body was handled after his death. First, his body was abused by the Philistines (vs. 9 and 10). This is not the usual practice for conquered kings, who were generally treated with respect and presented to the conquering king.

Then the Israelites of Jabesh-gilead heard about the body of Saul being displayed on the walls of a prominent Philistine city. This city, Beth-shan, was important because it was on the main trade route. The Philistines were advertising that Israel was finished and conquered and so was their God. The people in Jabesh-gilead were indebted to Saul (it’s a long story found in Judges 19), so they went to rescue Saul’s body from Beth-shan.

When the warriors of Jabesh-gilead returned with Saul’s body they burned it and took the bones and buried them in Jabesh. The comment Bradford made referred to these acts of burial. He indicated that it was totally uncustomary for a Hebrew burial to be handled this way. He also concluded that it seemed to be the practice of the people of Jabesh-gilead (who were basically Hebrews). Where had this practice come from?

This is just another sign that Israel was losing touch with the true God and His commandments. They were slowly assimilating the practices of the pagan cultures around them (that God had originally instructed them to wipe off the face of the earth). It’s hard to tell from this one passage, but we’ve seen it elsewhere in 1 Samuel as well, that Israel was losing its distinctness among the nations. Slowly but surely over time, things that seemed okay became the way things were done.

I am in danger of doing the same thing! Over time, it’s become acceptable to do many of the things the culture around me says is okay. It’s become okay to believe some of the things the culture (including Christian culture!) around me, believe. I have to ask myself what am I – what are WE – allowing into our beliefs that are not exactly what the Scriptures teach?

Satan is distorting the basic truths of Scripture and we are incorporating them into our habits, beliefs, and practices. My friend, Kris, who spent 20 years in Indonesia, discovered many of these partial truths being celebrated in our American local churches when she returned to the States. She had been away from the American culture long enough that many of these partial truths/distortions were obvious to her. For instance, “God loves you, God accepts you” is a major tenant in American Christian-based churches. There are few questions asked about these statements. Yes, it’s Scriptural, but the gospel doesn’t end there. There’s the life example of Christ, His suffering, His death, His resurrection, and our decision to believe He rose from the grave and paid for our sins that makes us acceptable to God.

I talked today about another example with a friend, Cassie, and that is “I am enough.” God does love us for being us; however, we are NOT enough. Only God and His love is enough. And not everything I do or think or say is correct because it’s based on my thoughts, and “I am enough” to decide what is right and wrong. We succumb to the idea that it doesn’t matter what I do, God will forgive me because I’m enough.

We need to be careful we are not assimilating the perspectives and beliefs of the world around us into our worship of Christ. We need to be sure we are not short-changing what God has done for us and what He would like us to do for Him.

Just a caution. I’m guilty of this, too.

No Room For Envy

David and Saul’s story continues in 1 Samuel 18 with several situations that go in David’s favor. At the end of chapter 17, David had just slain Goliath and was presented to Saul as the “champion” who had saved Israel from the onslaught or take over by the Philistines. After David had been identified as the champion by Saul’s general, Abner, Saul becomes concerned with what this might mean for his kingdom.

In verse 1 of chapter 18, Saul’s oldest son, Jonathan, was moved to align himself with David. He didn’t totally split from his father, but he pledged his dedication and friendship to David. Jonathan even gave David his royal garments and armor as a sign of his covenant with David (vs. 3-4). Saul, who was aware of God’s blessings being removed from him (because Samuel had told him so back in chapter 15, verse 28), was suspicious of David. I can only imagine Saul’s reaction to Jonathan’s covenant with David.

A few verses later, we read what Saul’s reaction was to David’s continuing military success and popularity among the people. As David, and presumably Saul, retuned from battles,

The women sang as they played, and said, ‘Saul has slain his thousands, And David his ten thousands.’ Then Saul became very angry, for this [song] displeased him and he said, ‘They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?’ Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on. Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit . . . came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; . . . [and] Saul hurled the spear for he thought, ‘I will pin David to the wall.’ 1 Samuel 18:7-11

Saul was angry, suspicious, and envious. These feelings and thoughts opened the door for evil behavior. Saul wanted David dead and no longer a rival for the people’s affection or loyalty. So in a state of rage, Saul acted. These thoughts and actions would not subside for the remainder of Saul’s life and evil would continue to rule his life.

Matthew Henry in his commentary on 1 Samuel 18 gave me an application for this passage – and a warning for everyone. He basically said that envy and uncharitableness gives a place for the devil to lead us to evil actions. I’ve experienced phenomena like this in my life. Imagine being overlooked at work for a promotion. How does that make you feel? I became envious and resentful – and as a result I held back on doing the best work I could in my job. Fortunately, it wasn’t the downfall of the organization I was working for, but as long as I remained bitter, the flow of creative ideas I often received from the Holy Spirit (a big part of my job) was stifled. I learned to appreciate the decision to go with a colleague as I had a set back with my mental illness that kept me totally away from work for a week. God knew what He was doing and I had nothing to be envious about.

Right Sized For Service

We have a photograph of our son when he was about two standing in his uncle’s very large work boots. He looked so proud of himself. He even tried to take a step. We all had a good-natured laugh, however, I wonder now about just what he was thinking. Was he trying to grow up fast? Was he showing us he’s a man? Was he trying to be funny?

Trying on other people’s belongings, behavior, or ministry may have that same effect – humor. In 1 Samuel 17:38-40 there’s the account of David preparing to do battle with Goliath, the Philistine. David was far smaller and younger than the 9-foot, 9-inch professional warrior Goliath, so to help prepare David, Saul gave him his battle garments to make David look fiercer. When David tried to walk decked out in Saul’s armor, he experienced great difficulty. Saul was a tall and strong man (the person the people saw fit to be their king; 1 Samuel 9:2). Saul’s armor probably hung lose and heavy on the smaller David. I picture it a comical sight, much like my son in his uncle’s boots.

“So, David said to Saul, ‘I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.’ And David took them off. He took his stick in his hand and chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook . . . and his sling was in his hand . . .” (1 Samuel 17:39-40). David did not try to be someone he was not. David did not try to act like a mighty warrior. David did play the role God had given him: a shepherd boy going to battle with his sling and his faith in God. (A sling was not a toy. It was a very accurate weapon in the hands of the right people. In Judges 20:16 we are told, “Out of all these people 700 choice men were left-handed; each one could sling a stone at hair and not miss.” David had already used it to protect his sheep from bears and lions. It did not seem a match for Goliath, however it fit David’s skills, personality, and faith.

When I was a young Christian, I wanted to be the next Billy Graham bringing large numbers of people to Christ at one time. That was not the weapon or skill or gifting God gave me and it never happened. As I grew in my relationship with Christ, I began to realize that my gifts from God were for small groups or one-on-one relationships and out of those relationships “many [would] see and fear, And [would] trust in the Lord” (Psalm 40:3). Now “many” is a relative term. I haven’t brought new people into faith in Jesus Christ in the same way or to the same extent as Billy Graham, but there have been some seeds planted, some growth toward Christ, and a few blossoming plants. Failing to wear the right armor and do the right ministry as designed by God leads to despair and hopelessness. As long as I keep using the gifts and skills God has given me, I will not fail to succeed in the tasks God sets before me.

Dealing With Disappointment in Ministry

Is it hard to move on after someone has disappointed us? We grieve and we hurt, but how long should we stay there? I’ve experienced this bitterly when someone I was working with to help them grow deeper with Christ and excel at their work just stopped coming around. I contacted them. I wrote them. I prayed earnestly for them, but they had turned away from the Lord and me. I was heartbroken. It paralyzed me from seeking out others who might be interested in learning more about God. I felt I had done something wrong. Maybe my sense of pride at “my” accomplishments in that person was attacked.

Possibly, Samuel felt this way about Saul. In 1 Samuel 14 Saul didn’t follow through on God’s command to him. In 1 Samuel 15 Samuel confronts Saul and asks for him to repent and put God first in his life. Saul thought he knew better and refused to repent. In 1n 1 Samuel 16 we see how Saul’s disobedience and turning away from God affected Samuel. Samuel was grieving over Saul (vs. 1). In the New Century Version (NCV) of the Bible it says that Samuel continued to feel sorry for Saul even though God had said He was done with him. The New International Version (NIV) says Samuel was mourning over Saul. “Now the Lord said to Samuel, ‘How long will you grieve over Saul . . .?’” We don’t know how long Samuel was feeling bad for Saul. This verse seems to indicate that it had been awhile. Commentator Tom Bradford in his Torah Notes, thought that it happened pretty quickly and that there should be no chapter break between 15 and 16.

There are three possible lessons for me in this. First, I did not “make” someone follow God with his or her whole heart. Even if the person I’d been working with had continued to follow God, it wasn’t my doing – it is always God’s doing. As I didn’t make them faithful followers of Christ, I didn’t do something to make them make other choices. It’s always about individual choices. As a result, whatever happens with the people I’m working with, I need to let go and turn it all over to God. I need to let the Holy Spirit work in their lives and trust Him for the outcomes.

Second, whether it’s been a short time since a follower has wandered away from Christ or a long time, feeling some grief or regret is reasonable, even if it’s not desirable. I must use that grief to pray for those people. It’s okay to continue to love them, but a certain sense of detachment is needed, just like a parent with an adult child who wanders away from the Lord. (Side note: When opportunities arise where a parent can gently direct their child back to the ways of God, those opportunities should be taken. Key word: gently; not with heaping amounts of judgment.)

Third, God wants us to quickly take up His message again and push ahead with His agenda. I learned that there were others waiting and looking for some help in their relationships with God. If I stayed mourning too long, I might miss those needs. Staying focused on the past and on seeming failures, leads to depression or fear or discouragement, which lead us to inaction. Inaction is not God’s desire for His people. He expects us to be about doing His business. Doing so will lift our spirits and give us a new sense of purpose. We will be operating within God’s will. There’s still much to be done, and like Samuel, we need to be following God’s directives and keep moving ahead.

God Alone

Continuing in my study of 1 Samuel this week, the behavior of the Philistines after “capturing” the ark of God from the Israelites was intriguing. The first thing they did was take the ark and place it at the feet of their stone God, Dagon, in Dagon’s temple in Ashdod. It was like a trophy to be displayed and a way to say, “Our god is better than your God.” They seemed to think that it was Dagon who had provided the victory over the Israelites and their God.

However, God had a different idea. The next morning when the Ashdodites arose early and went to Dagon’s temple, they found their god knocked over before the ark. They probably thought it was weird, but set Dagon back up. (As a side note, what kind of god is it that needs its followers to stand it up?) However, during the next night, God not only knocked Dagon down again, He went further. “And the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off on the threshold” (Verse 4). Furthermore, God “ravaged them and smote them with tumors” (Verse 6).

The Philistines acknowledge that, “The ark of the God of Israel must not remain with us, for His hand is severed on us and on Dagon our god” (Verse 7). The surmised that God was acting, but they did not renounce Dagon as their God. They saw the power of God and decided to remove the ark from their midst by sending it to another of the Philistines’ cities. In that city, and the successive one as well, the people got ill with some dying and the others getting the same illness as those in Ashdod. So, the Philistines moved the ark again.

A key concept in the commentaries was that God is a jealous God. He will not tolerate other gods before Him, alongside Him, or anywhere near Him. One quote said, “God is not worshipped if He’s not worshipped alone.” Also, worship is more than a song sung in church. It’s about God Himself and our service to Him and Him alone. How do we see God working in and around us in our lives and yet, try to mingle worship of Him with worship of other things, ideas, people, etc.? That is a question each of us needs to answer for ourselves. We should not view it lightly.

God is Righteous and Just

Today in my time in God’s Word, I was presented with the righteousness and justice of God. Let’s not succumb to the idea that because God is love He is only forgiving. He does those things: loving and forgiving. However, He is also jealous and holy.

This is a hard subject to broach in today’s Christian churches. We focus on His salvation and love and caring spirit to attract others to the hope of salvation. However, if we leave out the part about separation and disobedience, what is there to be saved from? Let’s not be fooled into thinking that saying we believe in Jesus is enough. Even the demons believe in Jesus. Let’s not be fooled into thinking that God will save us and provide everything we want, just because we profess Him as Lord.

His plans are unsearchable to us. What we want may have nothing to do with His plans. As I discussed last week, our prayers need to be in line with His will. Our behavior also has to be in line with His will. His will is that we are intimate with Him. Not just saying the right things and sounding good, but truly knowing Him and serving Him. This doesn’t just happen because we prayed some prayer (although that’s a good start). Knowing Him means communicating with Him. Two-way communication. It’s not just praying to Him. And it’s not just reading His Word and listening for His Holy Spirit’s guidance. Both of those behaviors are essential for really getting to know Him.

Part of knowing Him is realizing that He’s a jealous God. He wants nothing or no one to come before Him in our lives. He does discipline those who fail to make Him the priority of their lives. I’m not just talking about those who are not Christians. He disciplines each and every one of us – possibly especially those who say they follow Him – when we don’t make Him the priority in our lives. The discipline can be harsh. In Old Testament times it meant He pruned away some of those He called His own. His character does not change. He will also prune away some of those that He now considers His own in faith. He does what is best for His plan.

I don’t pretend to understand exactly what He’s thinking. I just know He’s not easily fooled by good sounding words or self-serving service. We can volunteer at church, pray publicly in restaurants. We can proclaim Him to others, sound like we know the way. We can read His Word and study the commentators. We can be teaching Christ to our families, sharing Him with our friends. Yet we can still place other things before Him, and He will know. He is a jealous God! We need to examine our hearts and minds. We need to be doing all these things for His glory. We need to have no other “gods” before Him. He is righteous and a just judge. He will not be fooled by our thoughts, feelings, actions, or minds. He will discipline, even to the point of death, any who put other things ahead of Him.

Be Anxious for Nothing, Part 3

This week finishes up my study of Philippians 4:4-9. There  are just a few quotes from the book to highlight this week. Some of them were very convicting to me and they might challenge you also.

“Are you expecting God to move but not asking Him to do so?” One of the questions in this section asked to whom do you go to when you hear bad news? I listed several close friends and family, and my therapist. Guess who I left out?! God. I realized it’s not my first thought when I am facing a trial or hardship. That’s not the way it should be. I was convicted to seek Him first, to bring my needs and fears to God first. I often call someone and ask them to pray for me before I actually pray myself. God wants us to go to Him. He clearly stated that in Philippians 4:6: “. . . in everything with supplication and thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God . . .” My goal for this week is to turn to God FIRST this week (and hopefully from now on)with my prayers, then ask for others to pray with me.

“Often our view of our problems looms larger than our view of God. How cn you start the day in a way that places the source of your anxiety in proper perspective relative to God’s magnanimous power?” The reading suggested prayerfully and praisefully reading Psalm 8 and Psalm 121. These Psalms identify who God is, what He’s already done, and who we are in relationship to God. Psalm 8:3-5 tells us about these things:

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?
Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!

When I meditate and contemplate the truths in these verses, my problems get put into perspective. The God who made everything has high regard for us. In view of this I am greatly encouraged by giving praise to Him every morning and throughout the day. I think it puts my day into perspective.

“Our assignment is not fruitfulness but faithfulness.” So, why do you do the things you do? Whether it’s your job, your sports, or your walk with God we are looking for results. Results are the product of our labors. However, God wants us to focus on the process not the product when it comes to our relationship with Him. It’s our job to faithfully cling to the vine (read John 15). As we hold on to the vine, God may cause growth and fruit. What He wants from us is to sit at His feet and take in everything about Him and learn from Him (Luke 10:39-42; Martha and Mary’s examples). Being busy for God is not the same thing as knowing God and having a relationship with God. If we are faithful, fruit might happen (most likely will happen), but it’s God causing that, not our efforts.

Anxiety lessens when we recognize God is near and that He is big enough to deal with every need we could possibly have. We just have to give praise and thanksgiving and take everything to Him knowing He can and will meet our every need. I’ve found a lot of peace through this study. I hope you can also gain some.

Haiti Part 5: Homes of Hope

Haiti Part 5: Homes of Hope

On two of the afternoons we were in Les Cayes, we visited the Home of Hope our church helps sponsor. This home consisted of a married couple as the parents and fourteen girls ranging in age from about three to late teens. This provides a family-like environment for these vulnerable children.

On Loving Shepherd Ministries website these homes are described the following way:

Homes of Hope are not orphanages. They are not institutions. They are not group homes. Within their permanent family, each child receives the love, spiritual guidance, and close parental relationships they need to feel safe and loved. The very same things we strive to provide for our own children.

That dynamic was very much in evidence during our visits. They are a family that provides the security and guidance we would all like to see in every home. These “vulnerable” children and the home environments are best described in LSM’s own words. Please visit their website using the various links in this blog to read more about this exciting ministry and find out how you can help.

We were shown the family’s garden that they took great pride in. It supplies fresh vegetables to them and plenty of coconuts. They shared coconuts with us and I had my first taste of what coconut is supposed to be like. I’ve never been one to enjoy the dried, stringy stuff we get in our markets in the States. I usually avoided it, but fresh coconut is nothing like that. We drank the liquid from the inside through a hole chopped into the “shell” before it was cut in half. Inside was a soft, pudding-like food, which we ate with spoons. It’s something I will remember (and it will probably prevent me from buying coconuts from the supermarket).

The girls, through our translator, asked us many questions. We asked some of them. On the first visit, as we were getting ready to leave, the girls spontaneously broke out in song There’s a short video on my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/mary.grimm.9) from February 7^th. Then they asked us to sing and we stumbled our way through the first verse of Amazing Grace. They were much, much better at carrying a tune than the six of us. Then we all sang, in English, Jesus Loves Me. It is a memorable experience from the trip.

Again, please visit the Home of Hope page on LSM’s website to find out how to help support these terrific ministry situations. There are about 20 homes all together, some for boys and some for girls. The education and training these children are getting is making lasting changes in Haiti and you can be a part. There are other ways you can help. Contact Loving Shepherd Ministries to see what they need.