What is it?

Looking through my journals and email, I found out that I was wishing for a lot of good things to happen. I claimed to be “hoping,” but I did not/could not be confident the desired outcome would happen. That is not what hope is about. Hope is more than wishing. [Want to know more? Click here.]

Thursday, June 28, 2012

King of the Mountain

One who possesses supreme or ultimate power. The fancy word for this is “sovereign.” One definition called it “Super Power.”
Biblically, that means God, the Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be His Name. Yet, I want to try to have that kind of control. I want to be God with the ultimate power. I want to be in control. In Psalm 47 the Psalmist calls God the “King of the mountain.” That brought to mind images from my childhood when we would play a game called King of the Mountain. The object was to be the one on top, holding all attackers off the mountain. Sometimes the mountain would be a playground structure, a snow hill, or the family room couch. The “King” would throw snow at, push, and/or pull to keep any attacker from gaining the top and pushing the King off. The game lasted until there were no more attackers. Until everyone had surrendered.
In God’s realm, all attacks are worthless, because He is the Sovereign King holding off all would be kings. But we still play the game and strive for the top. The game continues on. And I’m right there with all the other foolish attackers, thinking I can gain some advantage, and become the Sovereign King over my own life. I am not able to push or pull God out of the place of supreme or ultimate power, but I keep trying. The result is I grow weary and give up for a time; but I have not surrendered. I live to fight another day.
There are so many areas in my life where I need to become willing to surrender the fight and rest at the foot of the mountain, under the protection of the Supreme King. Recently I’ve resumed the fight again in one area: Dietary restrictions and insulin dosing. I want to be in control. But, all the striving in the world will not give me the control I want. I haven’t yet learned how to surrender to the sovereignty of God in this area. So for another day, the game of King of the Mountain continues.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Aftermath Time

The aftermath of a big party is almost as hard to deal with as the getting ready for. For weeks the party is in the back of your mind. Then nothing. Sure there’s lots I can be doing, but nothing is urgent. The lack of urgency makes me think I have all the time in the world, so I procrastinate.
That’s how I was when I was in college. The busier I was the more I got done. It seemed like there was always the next project, book, activity to do, so I didn’t procrastinate because procrastinating meant missing out on something to do. Looking back now, it seems like there were more hours in the day back then.
Even when on break from school terms, there seemed like there was always something I wanted to do that couldn’t get done when there were papers to write, and textbooks to read. But I also remember feeling a sort of let down, a sense that there was something I should be doing but was not. Work, during the summer months, filled much of that time. However, there was still time left without homework to fill.
Now that the open house for my daughter is over, I can do whatever I want. But, I am finding there is little to fill the time with. I remember thinking that someday I would be the master of my own time and activity like it was a good thing. Now I am the master of my time, and I struggle to find activity to fill it. I used to think there would never be enough time in the day to fit everything in. Now I find I have too much time on my hands – or too few ideas about what to do.
I’m not sure why it bothers me to have enough time to do whatever I want to do. Maybe because it feels unfamiliar. Maybe because I’m so used to having someone telling me what to do. Maybe it means I need to start a list of stuff to do for these open times. Maybe I just need to learn to relax and savor the freedom of the aftermath.

Thursday, June 14, 2012


Hurry up and wait. That’s what it feels like. Getting ready for a big party, for my daughter’s high school graduation open house. I’m finding there are some things that cannot be done ahead of time and that is frustrating. I’m also finding there are things my daughter wants to do, without help from me, and letting her do them is frustrating. And, different from my son’s open house, four years ago, when he didn’t want to do anything except show up.
I’ve been in “stand by” mode, waiting in the wings, just in case she needs or wants help from me. She’s busy preparing homemade, all the way down to the crust, pies. She did not want a cake at her party. She wanted to be different and to her homemade, from scratch, pies at an open house is as different as she can get. I have to admit, I’ve never been to an open house where pie was the featured item. We are having sub sandwiches, barbecued mini-smokie links, con queso dip with chips, potato chips with dip, and Greek salad. But, for Caitlinn, we have pies in lieu of cake.
There will be a small cake, however. My son graduated from college this spring and my daughter said to get him a cake. She ordered one for him to have at the open house. He doesn’t know that (and since he doesn’t usually read my blog, I’m pretty safe mentioning it here without breaking the surprise).
For my part, I have just a few more things to shop for that have to wait at least until Friday, because I don’t have room in my refrigerator yet to store them. But, I have my list so I’m ready. I guess I’m as ready as I can be.
Yet, I know I will probably add something to one of my lists of things to buy or do between now and the time I actually post this blog.