Making Decisions

Recently I had the thought to revamp my weekly schedule. I came up with a “brilliant” idea all by myself. The goal was to make more time for writing. As I mapped out in my head what I was going to do, I made assumptions based on my superior intellect. I assumed I’d be stellar in my writing performance without the activities I was cutting out. One was an AA meeting at 8:15 on Monday mornings, and the other was my volunteer work at a mission in my town on Thursday mornings. As I said, I had it all mapped out in my head.

As I said last week, last Tuesday I spent some extended time with God, reading His Word and asking for guidance. I also said that a key thing I received from that time was ideas about how, when, and who to be praying (basically it was before, during, and after I write). The other main lesson was that I should make writing (God’s calling on my life) a priority in my schedule. So I decided to schedule writing time into the time slots I freed up by skipping the meeting and volunteering. I should’ve prayed some more . . .

In 2 Samuel 6 we have the story of David moving the ark of God to Jerusalem. David also made some assumptions about how things should be done. He decided to move the ark the way the Philistines had returned it to Israel (that account is found in 1 Samuel 6). David did not even consider searching the Scriptures or asking the priests to examine the Scriptures to see if God had given any instructions in how to move the ark. As a result, tragedy struck and one of the attendants tried to steady the ark as the oxcart it was in looked like it was going to turn over. That attendant, Uzzah, died immediately upon touching the ark.

David decided to leave the ark in a nearby lodging of some Levites and go back to Jerusalem without the ark. The passage in 2 Samuel 6 says David was upset and frightened of God that day (vs. 8-9). He was afraid of what trouble the ark of God might cause for him and he didn’t want it in or near his capital city. After three months everyone was talking about how the people the ark was left with were prospering above and beyond what was normal. So David decided to move it again.

This time he must have studied the Scriptures and found the passages that explain how God’s ark is to be handled . . . using rods through the designed rings on the ark and having the Levite clan of Korhath bear the ark on their shoulders. It doesn’t say in the text that David did his research and/or consulted wise counsel, but he must have because he knew how to move the ark this time.

Back to my story. My scheduling plan was to take action without consulting God or wise counsel. But I paused – probably the Holy Spirit’s nudging – and sought counsel. My therapist and AA sponsor both told me the same things. Start with every other week so I can keep my accountability in AA and continue to serve world missions by the volunteer work. With further counsel and much more specific prayer, I freed up one day a week to devote to writing by going to the meeting and the volunteering opposite every other weeks. A much healthier plan than I thought should be done.

Are there areas or decisions or actions on which you need to be consulting God? I know there are many other situations in my life where I try to make the decisions for myself and the results do not work out as well as I thought. My goal is to seek God’s Scripture wisdom before I act.

What's Real Fellowship Look Like? Acts 20:36-38

At the end of Paul’s time with the Ephesians’ leaders before Paul left on his final leg of the journey to Jerusalem, a couple of things took place that indicated to me that true fellowship involves focus on Christ and prayer. These leaders were greatly moved by Paul’s message to them and greatly saddened by the fear that they would no longer have an opportunity to fellowship with and learn from Paul. They would miss Paul immensely. There was real affection and care for Paul on the part of these elders. There was also great affection and care for the Ephesians on the part of Paul. A mutually loving and caring relationship existed between the believers.

Acts 20:36-38 describes the relationship and gives us some ideas for improving our fellowship.

And when he [Paul] had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And they began to weep aloud and embraced Paul, and repeatedly kissed him, grieving especially over the word which he had spoken, that they should see his face no more. And they were accompanying him to the ship.

First off, they had been listening and discussing Paul’s ministry among them. That’s the “these things” the passage was talking about. Paul had covered several key points in his longest recorded message to Christians. He discussed four concepts with them:

1.  Paul’s ministry as an example to them (vs. 18-21)

2.  Paul’s future prospects (vs. 22-27)

3.  Warnings of coming heresies (vs. 28-31)

4.  Proper attitudes toward material goods (vs. 32-35)

Having finished the discussion, Paul, and presumably the rest of the elders, knelt down to pray together. I know we say a prayer at the end of the sermon on Sunday mornings, but for many of us (myself included) that is the only time we engage in group, corporate prayer. I feel this was a pattern in Paul’s life: to pray whenever meeting with believers. I find that is an, often overlooked, aspect of the times we get together for what we call fellowship. I try to involve prayer with others in my activities with others, but I’m not always successful. Maybe that’s because what we are doing is not actually “fellowship.” Maybe it’s just having fun with other Christians.

I also find it interesting that they knelt to pray. This is from Acts so it’s not a “rule” or “commandment” for us to follow. And I’m not going to say that we always need to be in a kneeling position when we pray. However, Paul left us with that example of reverence and respect, an we should make sure we pray from a position of reverence and respect. Kneeling is one way of doing that. I know that it is not always possible to position ourselves in such a way (I can’t get up after kneeling and my husband can’t kneel due to knee surgeries), but we should, at the very least, position ourselves in a way that shows reverence and respect to God.

I noticed their attitudes when parting with Paul became eminent. They were weeping aloud and embracing Paul. There was grieving over the possibility of never seeing Paul again. Do I feel anything like that when leaving the presence of fellow-believers? Probably not because I have a reasonable assurance that I shall see them again. But that’s taking a lot for granted. I should not be so cavalier because it’s quite possible that those we part with may never be seen again. We should make sure they know we will miss their fellowship and that we will be praying for them.

Finally, parting should be hard to do. The elders wanted every last minute with Paul so they accompanied him to the ship he would be sailing on. I confess, sometimes my attitude is “will they ever leave?” It may be hard to find closure for our fellowship times, yet if we have shared Scripture, prayed and loved on each other, the parting may be less traumatic than it was for these believers.

I’m going to try to pray more with the groups (or individuals) I meet with. I think we need to include more prayer into our meetings and partings.

God Uses Others: Acts 10

So, I’ve been studying Acts 10 and 11. Part of the story is how God worked in the lives of people to lead them to other people. Cornelius was told to seek out Peter and Peter was told to go to Cornelius. Yes, there are the miraculous visions from God that each of those men had received. But the visions only contained part of the message from God that each man needed to carry out God’s will.

To complete God’s message to Peter about saving the Gentiles Peter needed to converse with and fellowship with Cornelius. To give Cornelius what he and his household needed to be saved, God used Peter. Without each other, God’s message would not have been clear to either man alone. God often completes His messages to us through our fellowship with other believers. We need each other to get the total message from God. God uses people to confirm what the Scriptures tell us to do. God uses other people to give us insight into the Scriptures. God uses other people to direct us to appropriate passages of Scripture. God uses other people to encourage us as we learn to fellowship with God in deeper ways.

Without other wise people in my life, I would take off in the wrong directions often. I need others to encourage me, support me, guide me, and instruct me with God’s Word. I also need people who may be thinking more clearly about my situations and feelings. I think of when I first got sober, back in college. God put people in my life to bring me His message of salvation and hope. Those people knew me and had seen my dysfunctional life in action. Those people taught me how to read God’s Word, pray, study (my college academics as well as the Scriptures), and relate to other people. They brought me the Truth just as Peter brought the truth to Cornelius.

When I needed help getting sober again (about 20 years later), He again put the right people in my life. These people hadn’t necessarily seen me drunk like the first group of people in college, but they were sent to give me a message. One woman, Cathy, was used by God to bring me a specific message: Go to Alcoholics Anonymous. And, I did , with her help in finding meetings. At those meetings, I met other people I believe God put in my path. They were able to say and do the right things to help get me sober, again. Basically, God uses people to speak to us, and we should listen carefully t what they have to say.

Finding Topics

So, I haven’t gotten much of my study of Acts 7 done, so I don’t know which insights I want to share with you. As a result, I’m feeling topic-less.

There are several things I can do to come up with topics to write to you about. One of those things is to just wait and pray, hoping God will lead me to something. This often works. Turning to God often works in many areas of our lives. I think it’s probably the one most important thing I can do anytime we are struggling in our lives. That’s not saying we don’t have to do our part. There’s always the “footwork” to do, even if it’s just doing the next right thing, whatever that might be. Sometimes that might be making dinner or doing the laundry, but sometimes it’s making us available to someone who needs a friend to talk to. I find that in doing the next right thing(s), God brings to mind ideas about what to write about. Often those topics deal with a struggle I am having preventing me from doing the next right thing. However, I have to remember to seen God in all things, and wait on Him to bring me to the next topic or the next activity.

Another thing I do to come up with topics is review my Quiet Time notes, my letters to a special friend, or my Bible study notes (especially the application section). Trying to come up with topics actually draws my attention back to something I maybe didn’t learn the first time I looked at a certain passage of Scripture. I find it’s a good policy to review my notes and letters occasionally (to be honest, I probably should do this more often). I often see patterns of things that God has shown me over the course of a few days, a few weeks, or a few months. Those things are only apparent after time has gone by. I would miss the patterns if I never reviewed my various notes.

My final resource for coming up with ideas involves talking to people and finding out what they think I should write about (or what they want to hear about). Actually, that’s where the idea for this blog article came from. I was mentioning to one of my daughters that I didn’t know what to write about this week. She suggested I write about what I do when I don’t have a topic readily in my thoughts. I thought about that for a few minutes, came to my computer, started typing, and out came this blog. There are other times this happens when talking to friends. Friends are a valuable resource in my writing and in encouraging me throughout my days.

The Professionals in my Life

Last week I said I was going to talk about thankfulness this week. As I contemplate the holiday and my life, I grateful for many things in my life. However, one category of thankfulness stood out to me: The Professionals in my life.

The facts are that I have many mental and physical aspects of my life that require some professional help. I think that most of the time I take these people for granted. However, after a recent AA meeting, I was talking to some people about the mental health and medical care available to us in the United States. There are some areas that lack expertise (like child and adolescent psychiatrists), but there are many options available also. In that vein, I want to express my thankfulness for the health insurance my husband is able to have through his job. It’s not perfect for all my needs but without it my out-of-pocket costs would really hinder the amount and type of care available to me.

The first professional that comes to mind when I am being thankful is my therapist. She is knowledgeable about my types of mental illness and is able to devise strategies for dealing with them in productive ways. She’s also patient with me when I struggle to apply these strategies or refuse to apply them to my life on a daily basis. I try not to let that happen regularly, but it does happen. I think part of her patience comes from the fact that she really cares about me, and my recovery. I think she cares beyond what she has to to be an effective therapist. I think that comes from the influence God and her Christian beliefs has on her counseling and her life. I’m so thankful that God provided someone whose belief system mirrors my own. She is able to bring Christian principles and Scriptural advice into our counseling sessions and she usually does. There aren’t words to describe how thankful I am for this professional in my life.

As I wait for a call from my psychiatrist’s office (to hopefully help me with the lack of sleep issues I’m experiencing right now), I’m thankful for that service, also. There are many psychiatrists, but I believe God led me to the right one for me. She really cares about me and has made herself interested in my wellbeing. She has been willing to work with me to properly treat my mental illness even when things are not going well. I think I’m much better off with her as part of my healthcare team than without her. She has really got to know me, and the courses of my illness and is sensitive to my beliefs. She is also sensitive to the self-knowledge I have and often asks me what I think and feel about various courses of treatment for the symptoms of my illness.

There are other professionals I’m thankful for: my internist, the diabetes specialists, the eye doctor(s), and my dentist. All of them have played major roles in my healthcare. They have been responsive to my various needs without copping any attitudes or being condescending.

So this Thanksgiving I’m being thankful for the people in my life and today I’m focusing on the professionals. Underlying all my thankfulness is the knowledge that God loves me and has provided for all these people to be a part of my life.

Trusting God in Scary Situations

This week I had cataract surgery on my left eye. I’m writing this a week early because I don’t know what condition I will be in sight-wise after the surgery. The doctor and the nurses tell me I will be able to see better pretty much as soon as they take the patch off my eye the day after surgery. Other people I know who have had the procedure also say I will be able to see right away and I will notice a big difference. However, I wanted to have this blog article ready to post for June 18^th just in case.

So why did I title this blog “Trusting God in Scary Situations?” It is primarily because I’m able to come up with the worse case scenarios so easily. It makes the anticipation of the surgeries (I’m having the right eye done the next week) a frightening proposition. It is a scary situation to me because of the worse case scenarios I come up with. Yet, am I to believe the experts and trust them to do everything right without any reassurances? No. My reassurance comes from trusting that God ultimately has all things in control. He knows I rely on my eyes to write, to read, to do Bible study, to see my family, etc. If, for some divine purpose, my vision is not made better, I can trust that God has a plan in that also. I can trust God because He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11).

There’s only one problem to all that positive thinking: I’m depressed and I find it hard to notice the way God is working in and around my life. That also makes the surgeries scary situations. Everything seems scary right now. That’s how it normally is when I’m depressed. I go through each day worrying about my kids, my husband, any traveling I have to do, any thoughts I might have that are not the trusting God kind of thoughts, worrying about when/if this mood will ever lift (without ending up in a mania again), etc. So what do I do? I rely on friends and family to remind me of God’s grace. However, they are not always aware that I need those reminders (I hide how I’m feeling most of the time pretty well; although today, Mike husband asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t answer him because all my worries, when they come out of my mouth, seem so trivial).

So today I’m listening for an encouraging word – maybe even from The Word. Does anyone have some for me? Maybe by the time you read this my first surgery will have gone so well, that I will already be encouraged. I’ll let you know.

Thirty Sterling Principles, Part 14

As Christians we know we are supposed to look out for those less fortunate than us. Principle #25 addresses that and speaks to our lives for the last year and a half. It’s found In Proverbs 24:11-12. It says,

“Rescue the perishing;
    don’t hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,”
    will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
    Someone not impressed with weak excuses.”

This last year and a half, my husband and I have taken in two high school-aged girls. Their situation may not have been life or death, although we believe it was close to that, but it was dire and they were in need of a more stable environment in which to live. This verse told us we were doing the right thing by stepping in to help in the situation. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. We spent many hours in prayer over it. But it often came back to this passage telling us to get involved any way we could.

It would’ve been easier and less heartbreaking to say, “Hey that’s none of our business.” But Someone was watching us closely. God was watching to see how we would use the resources He’s given us and the gifts He’s given us. God is not impressed with weak excuses and we could not give such excuses and expect to please God.

That’s not to say there are not times when I wonder if we did the right thing. But I’m drawn back to this verse. It tells us not to hesitate to help. So when those momentary doubts come up, when I wonder if we did the right thing, when I wonder if we are continuing to do the right thing, this verse comes to mind and I stop my questioning and turn to God. God would not expect us to step in and help if He wasn’t going to give us what we need in order to be of help. He’s met our spiritual needs, our emotional needs, our mental needs and our physical needs throughout this situation.

God doesn’t tell us to do something, like stepping in to help the perishing, and then not give us what we need in order to follow through. Today, I’m worried that I don’t have what it takes to meet the needs in this situation. But God has said He will supply us with all our needs (Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”) So I choose to trust Him and press on in helping as best as I can, for His glory and for the benefit of others.

Thirty Sterling Principles, Part 12

Principle #21 addresses having wisdom over strength. From reading Proverbs 24:5-6 it seems like both wisdom and strength are important, but that wisdom and strategy ultimately are more important for winning a battle. The verses read as follows:

“It’s better to be wise than strong;

            intelligence outranks muscle any day.

Strategic planning is the key to warfare;

            To win, you need a lot of good counsel.”

In my life, I see that being wise is a great asset. For one thing, I am not physically strong so relying on my physical strength to survive each day and each obstacle would probably not end well. When I’m asked to list my assets or strengths as a person, intelligence is one of the first things I think of.

I’m not bragging about my intelligence. It’s a God-given asset, something God granted to me upon His forming me in my mother’s womb. It is something for which I am thankful. It has seen me through a lot of nerve-wracking situations from schooling to parenting. My intelligence has allowed me to think through situations and come to rational conclusions about how to proceed in various situations that have come up in my life.

I think part of my intelligence has been to seek wiser counsel. I recognize that there are many circumstances that I’ve been confronted with where I just don’t know how to proceed. Seeking the good counsel of others has allowed me to overcome some very tricky situations in my life. Some of those situations are currently going on in my life and my husband and I have sought the counsel of others to give us sound advice on how to proceed.

Intelligence and wisdom need to be cultivated in our lives. Even being born with a certain amount of intelligence doesn’t mean we will learn to use it to the best of its advantage. We need to seek it and pray about situations, and trust in God’s Word to give us direction. I know many intelligent people who think they know everything they need to know. By not being open to cultivating their intelligence, they make some bad decisions. I want to avoid being like those people, so I make sure to spend time in God’s Word, examining the principles in Scripture, and trying to apply them to my life.

Having intelligence is not enough. Applying God’s principles to our lives is exercising true intelligence. I think we need to humbly turn to God and ask Him to give us the wisdom we need in every situation. Prayerfully approaching God and His Word is one way of using the intelligence He has given us.

A Disciplined Life

Proverbs 10:17 in The Message says, “The road to life is a disciplined life; ignore correction and you’re lost for good.” I’ve talked before about what a disciplined life looks like, but the aspect of listening to correction is a new twist on it for me. This verse links together a disciplined life with the idea that an undisciplined life ignores correction. So accepting correction is part of what a disciplined life is all about.

As I read further in Proverbs I came to Proverbs 11: 14, which says, “Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” Having good direction I think comes from taking correction from wise counsel. It’s not just getting wise counsel that makes the difference. A lot of us seek counsel and often find wise counsel. What makes the difference in our lives is following the wise counsel’s suggestions.

I asked myself, after reading Proverbs 10:17, where does my correction come from? I no longer have teachers or parents in my life that are the obvious sources for correction. I had to think about that for a while. But I was able to come up with several sources of wise counsel in my life. One such source is trusted friends. I have a couple of those that I communicate with on an almost daily basis. I share what’s going on in my life and they offer suggestions and constructive criticism.

I also have some professional people in my life that offer wise counsel and offer corrections to the ways I’m doing things and thinking about things. It’s their jobs to offer wise counsel in the areas of their expertise. For instance, one of these professionals is a nurse practitioner who specializes in diabetes management. I see her once every three months. She offers sound advice for ways to manage my diabetes including advice on diet, insulin dosing, and exercise. I would do good, and have a better quality of life, if I followed her wise counsel a little better.

A final source of wise counsel comes from God’s Word. Just like these passages in Proverbs, Scripture is filled with nuggets of wisdom and directions for my life. There’s enough in the pages of my Bible to keep me reading it and to keep me with a list of things I can do to make my life better and more useful to God. Now to just obey the Scripture I read and implement the concepts into my life. There’s a long way to go in doing that.

Psalm 18: God Gives Me People

There are a lot of good verses and passages in Psalm 18. I like the heading, which says,

“A David song, which he sang to God after being saved from all his enemies and from Saul.”

It sheds some light on why David was so thankful and loved God as much as he seems to in this Psalm. David starts this Psalm describing God as his protector:

“I love you, God –

            you make me strong.

God is bedrock under my feet,

            the castle in which I live,

            my rescuing knight.

My God—the high crag

            where I run for dear life,

            hiding behind the boulders,

            safe in the granite hideout.”

Keep in mind this was what David was saying about God after he was rescued from his enemies. David acknowledges that God is his protector like a castle or like a mountain. I don’t feel like God protects me in the same way that David did. I struggle to see protection or relief from my enemies in such tangible ways. David was able to see God work in the tangible ways. How I long for that.

But my enemies are not warriors or kings out to kill me. My enemies are more often my thoughts and emotions. Can God . . . does God . . . protect me from those enemies in tangible ways? I don’t know if He is providing for protection from those things by running interference for me or by bringing other people into my life to bolster me. That’s the way I think He is working.

For instance, I have my husband who is there for my support. There are professionals – counselors and doctors – who also are there for support. I think that’s how God protects me from my enemies. Through other people He places in my life to support me and give me guidance and direction. These people are as tangible as a castle or a mountain.

Maybe my protection from God isn’t so much different than it was for David. Maybe, He strategically places people in my life to give me protection, encouragement, and strength when I need it. Just like God placed the mountains and boulders there for David’s protection, He places strong people around me to help me in my journey. No matter if my foe is a thought or an emotion, there is a help for overcoming it. I just need to access that help by calling out to the people God has placed in my life.

New Year's Resolutions

I’ve been trying to come up with a couple of New Year’s Resolutions. Some things that will inspire me to live a better life this coming year than the year that just ended. I have not really come up with anything. I see the posts others have made to their Facebook pages or to their blogs and I think, “I should come up with some clever words to inspire myself and others to a better year.” But, I don’t have anything new that I want to accomplish this year.

I’m not big on making New Year Resolutions because I’m not confident I will keep them – especially not for a whole year. So, today, as I contemplate a new year, I think of what has worked in the past to bring joy, thankfulness, and gladness to my life. These are the things I want to continue to do in 2014. They are resolutions in the sense that I am resolving to do them. They are not new resolutions however, because I’ve been doing them all along, throughout my life.

Of first importance is meeting with God daily, or at least almost daily. Each day I spend a little time in the Word of God, in prayer, and in praising is a successful day. Even if nothing else gets done in a day, if I’ve done those three things, I’ve had a successful day. From past experience I know that my mindset and mood is better on days I meet with God. I am not saying that there still aren’t hard days with low moods. There are, but what would my mood be like if I hadn’t met with God? On those days I fail to read the Word or praise or pray, I feel like something was missing from my life. Just to feel like I’m on the right track is enough reason to meet with God daily.

Next in importance is keeping up on my connection with beloved friends and family. I do that regularly in several ways. First, I try to write a daily email to my best friend. Although she lives in Minnesota and we are separated by geographical distance, we can be in contact on a daily basis through the power of the internet. In the past, which seems so very long ago, it would take days to communicate with her via the U.S. Postal Service. With technology via email, we can have daily contact to encourage each other and hold each other accountable to doing the things that keep us close to God. I will continue to do that sharing from my times in the Word of God and sharing my prayers, hopes, and dreams.

I also need to maintain contact with other friends and family. Again the internet is a powerful tool for doing this. I can message people on Facebook and/or keep up on the happenings in others’ lives via their Facebook posts. I need that regular contact with friends around the world. Thinking about others and their needs and prayer requests keeps me focused on others instead of just on my own problems and hang ups. That is important for me as I try to keep perspective in a world that can be so depressing. And, I see God answering prayer as I pray for those friends and family. That brings me a peaceful encouragement that I’m not sure I can get any other way.

I also need to do the things that are necessary for my sobriety. This includes the face to face contact with others who share my resolve to stay sober and happy. So, this next year I will continue to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and Celebrate Recovery meetings. These meetings give me perspective. This also means continuing to see my therapist on a weekly basis. Sometimes I think it’s not doing any good, but then what would my life be like without the weekly reminder to keep working at the things that bring me stability in my life? I do need the reminders to keep doing the things that give me perspective on a messy life.

So, for 2014 I will keep doing the things that I’ve been striving to do throughout 2013. Maybe I will do some of them a little better than I did last year, maybe not. Having the goals to keep at them are important. Even as they are not new goals or resolutions, they are things that can bring about a changed life when 2014 is over.

Disappointment

I struggle with not wanting to disappoint anyone. And, when I do something, or fail to do something, I get afraid. I am afraid the people I disappoint will be mad at me. Part of me deals with that perceived anger by trying to hide. When I was a little kid, I would actually, physically hide. Part of me still wants to.

The longer I wait to deal with the possible disappointment, the stronger the desire to run away or hide becomes. Sometimes I don’t have a choice about waiting; the person I need to be honest with is physically not available. When that happens my adult self – the part of me that should deal with the possible conflict – begins to slip away. And, the little kid part of me begins to talk to me about hiding the truth, not dealing with the conflict, because there is only one answer to the situation: I am bad and deserve to be punished.

This is when the adult me needs to jump in and say, “doing bad is not the same as being bad.” I need to remind myself that I can make better choices, or even just different choices. I can choose my behavior and choose to do the things that will not disappoint someone else. And, only choose behavior that is good for me.

I disappoint people when I make choices that only lead to self-destruction and not to recovery. I have to remember that others may be disappointed with my choices because they only care about me. That’s hard for me to grasp sometimes because the little kid part is afraid of punishment. But, I need to remind myself that people who love me only want what’s best for me. They are not out to punish me. They need to know where I’m struggling, so they can help me. I need to be honest with where the struggles are so they can encourage me and pray for me.

With the help of others, I can make different choices on a daily basis and avoid disappointing the people who care about me.

Credibility

My life is trouble and problem free. Or maybe not. If it was without struggle would I have anything to share with anyone? That’s one question I’ve been pondering as I’ve been studying the role of suffering in a Christian’s life.

Before I became a Christian, I may have been attracted to people whose lives looked perfect and peaceful, but I don’t think I would have believed they had any answers for me. They could not understand where I’d been or where I was. The woman that shared Christ with me did not try to tell me that her life was perfect and problem-free. If she had, I would not have believed her. A problem-free life was something I could not understand. The fact that she had issues to deal with made her seem real to me. It made her message of help from God through Jesus Christ credible to me. It was not a message that said, “Believe and all your problems will go away.” It was a message that said, “There’s help for dealing with your problems.”

This was a good thing. My problems did not all go away and no one criticized me for having problems. In fact, the people God placed in my life during the next few years were understanding and sought to get me help that blended Christian truths and psychology. My Christian friends over the years have actually found counselors for me to see. My problems would not go away instantly. Some still exist. But, there is an ever-present help that I did not know how to access before. And, some of my problems have become issues of the past through the miraculous working of God in my life. For instance, I no longer struggle with the urge to drink – get drunk from – alcohol on a daily basis.

My imperfect life, just like those who shared Christ with me, has a message, too. My sufferings say to others, “Look. Things could be worse and things have gotten better.” They say, “I understand your heartaches and hardships.” They say, “Let me comfort you with the same comfort I received from others and from God.” Suffering gives me basis for telling other people that their lives can be better – not perfect, but better. My suffering does not hinder the message of Christ. It may actually enhance the message. My hard times allow others to relate to me, give me credibility. My suffering has a purpose.

Victorious

“You have dependence issues.”

“What? I am not dependent on anyone. I like my independence. What are you talking about?”

“That’s the problem.”

This exchange happened over 12 years ago with the therapist I was seeing at the time. This was about a year into therapy and I would have none of it. I did not need anyone; I could do it on my own. I was raised on a steady dose of “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” Independence was prized in my family and I was going to be the best at it.

Reality is the problem. The more I tried to take care of everything myself, without some division of labor, the less I was able to get done. Two people, even if one is only half as efficient as the other, can still get more done than one person alone. (But, no one can do it right except me.)

Getting less done is not the only problem with trying to do it on my own. Probably more importantly, a lack of the ability to trust anyone else with part of the situation – afraid to be dependent upon someone else – leads to isolation and self-deception. This in turn can lead to thinking I know all there is to know about a subject, so I don’t need anyone else.

Biblically this is way off the mark. Scripture clearly says we need help; we need one another to hold us accountable. My favorite verse on this is James 5:16: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” I don’t like it. I don’t want to clue people in on my sins and struggles. I’m not sure it is natural for any of us; even Adam and Eve tried to hide their sin.

The question is, “Do you (I) want to be healed?”

As I said, I am not very good at this. However, recently a friend, an accountability partner, pointed out that no matter how insignificant it seems to me, God has been victorious in my life in this area. The very fact that I have an accountability partner (in addition to my best friend who lives in Minneapolis) and am sharing my struggles with her is different than my usual, historical way of living. Letting other people know where I’m at and letting them pray for me is another step in the right direction, away from trying to do it all on my own and towards Biblical dependence.

The Big Q Question

Thirty-three years ago, as a new Christian, there was the comfort of connectedness. The connectedness came from being “born and raised” in a hot-house of Christianity. The people – fellowship – kept the vision alive. There was a sense of purpose and the opportunity to grow with limited interruptions, like going to class and doing homework. The basics, the nuts and bolts, of Biblical Christianity, were taught with the expectation they would be passed along to other new believers. Names were given to each practical skill: Prayer, Fellowship, Quiet Time, Witness (later as a more “mature” Christian this became “Evangelism”), Praise, Worship, Bible Study, Memorizing Scripture, Disciple, Disciple-making, and Making Disciple-makers.

When encountering one another, the questions were the greeting. It seemed “Hi” and “Good morning” were not enough. A favorite: What’s your latest [memorized] verse? Also: What did you read in your Quiet Time this morning? (Notice the assumption that a Quiet Time was actually had.) And another goody: What are you applying in your life from God’s Word? These questions held each of us accountable to practice God’s Word, a lifestyle that enabled an overflowing, godly example to those encountered every day, Christians and non-Christians alike.

Recently, Andy Whitman (see http://andywhitman.blogspot.com) wrote an article for Image Journal’s web page about a reunion of those people who were a part of his “hot-house.” All of the idealistic, commune-like living, real New Testament individuals and families get together once a year. The article focuses on this year’s the 35^th, reunion and Andy’s observations of the previously self-proclaimed “Born Again Jesus Freaks.” He wondered what happened to them and wanted to ask the question, “How is your soul?” of each of the fine, upstanding, middle-class, mega-church-attending group. But he didn’t. Why? Andy wrote:

“This is the question I want to ask [the man who was my best man], but I don’t ask it. I don’t ask it of anyone. It’s the question that united us in the first place, the big Q Question that drew a bunch of idealistic misfits who couldn’t countenance the thought of stained glass windows and polished pews and Country Club Christianity into an alliance that lasted the better part of a decade.”

This last July, I experienced a similar experience. We hosted a gathering of some of our college friends. The purpose was to meet, greet and support a couple from those hot-house days who are missionaries with Mission Aviation Fellowship. We were gathered for a “spiritual” purpose and I found myself wanting to ask Andy’s big Q Question. But I did not. It felt awkward, inappropriate somehow. So, we talked about our jobs and our kids. We touched on current politics and the things influencing Christianity. But, no one asked the Question. And, no one asked the questions that were the greetings we used in college.

Don’t get me wrong. It was good to see those people. However, we are in different places than we were in college. Expecting more than chit-chat is unrealistic. But, I still want to know, “How is your soul?” Yet, I didn’t ask.

Hearing

So I went to an Ears, Nose, and Throat Specialist. I was tired of hearing other people tell me I couldn’t hear them. It was easy to hear them saying I couldn’t hear them, so I didn’t know what the problem was. Actually the problem still exists. My hearing is well within the normal range. The doctor said that technically my hearing is better than his.

The doctor did say that it is possible that I am not hearing as well as I used to. Of course, he avoided saying something like, “As we grow older . . .” First off, the “we” would be totally wrong. He was at least 10 years younger than me. He doesn’t know what growing old is like. I thought better of him for not trying to “identify” with me (especially with the old part of me).

He said I could tell my family, co-workers, and friends that my hearing is fine; their speaking is unclear. I don’t know if the family and friends will believe that or not. There is probably something I need to do. Blaming others does not make me a better listener.

Blaming others or my past does not make it easier to hear – whether it’s my spouse or God. I might as well wear earplugs. If I’m not willing to actively listen, I will miss things. I’ll miss the soft, “I love you” at bedtime. I’ll miss the quiet, still voice of God whispering to my spirit, “I love you.”

I also want to be heard. There is nothing wrong with that. It is something we all need, but many did not (and maybe still do not) have people in their lives willing to truly hear. I can get caught up in that. I can blame others for not truly listening and trying to understand me. But, just as God is actively trying to get me to hear Him, He also always hears me. The obvious: I need to give Him something to hear.

I still need to find ways to hear, listen, and understand what others are saying to me. I now know I do not have a physical reason for not hearing. I have some work ahead of me. However, God does not need help with His hearing or His speaking. He is there.

Reflections and Thank You

December 13^th is a special day for a couple of reasons. Most recently it marks my son’s birth 22 years ago. However, my marriage, children, career, everything and anything of value, even life itself, is only possible because of December 13, 1978.

Listening to my favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night, released a flood of memories. It was that song, and a series of acquaintances and friends, that brought me to the point of trusting Jesus as my Savior. The first verse hit me right where I was. I identified with the sorrow and disobedience (sin and error) and I saw the way out I had not seen before (He appeared).

“O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

I was invited to a Christmas party off campus. As a college freshman with no car, getting off campus was all I needed to say yes. I found out that my idea of a party differed significantly from these weirdoes, but there was a warm fireplace, good food, some mildly entertaining games and skits, and Christmas carols. There was also a message of some sort after the Christmas carols, but my attention was stuck on the lyrics to O Holy Night.

Back on campus, the secret Santa activities on my dorm floor continued. Trinkets, food, and notes were passed around. Someone left me something every day. Each gift included a Scripture verse from the Christmas story. One note quoted Luke 2:11, “For today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Today? For me? Those words ricocheted inside my skull. I was supposed to be studying for exams, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this Savior-thing.

It was just Christmas stuff. But I took it all differently than previously in my life. It meant more. And, on December 13^th, a friend put it all together for me. I saw Jesus for who He claimed to be and trusted Him.

I started this note off thinking I would share some of the names of those acquaintances and friends that got me where I needed to be to figure out the point of Christmas. I’m still going to list a few; some may not even know, even now, 33 years later, that they were used by God to work in my life.

Nancy L., Ruth H., Diana S., Jill S., Charron, Mark B., Mary B., Becky M., Mary D., Mary R., Anne, my secret Santa, Elaine B., Carol K., Dale B., Randy S., Rick G., Jeff W., Phil N., Jean L., and the four women in the end room, and others.

Simply. Thank you.

Winter Arrives

My pick up truck couldn’t get any traction. The cars, semis, buses, delivery trucks, and vans around me were sliding sideways, sliding in circles, sliding into ditches, and coming frighteningly close to me as I was also sliding toward the shoulder of the freeway. It was very dark out and the sleet, according to the radio, was not going to come to an end any time soon.

There were also people out on the road. They were trying to push cars out of ditches or to the side of the road. It was disconcerting to watch three or four people trying to push a car while their feet slid out from under them on the icy road. Not having complete control of my truck, I was afraid I would end up hitting one of them. My fear was becoming a hindrance to rational thinking.

Black ice or white ice or something in between. It’s all slippery. It was keeping me from getting home, normally just over an hour away. It was taking all of my attention, but I only traveled one mile between exits. It took forty-five minutes to do it. I didn’t know what to do.

Fortunately, it is the age of the cell phone, a link to the real world beyond this traffic-accident waiting to happen. The voice on the other side was comforting and helpful. It told me to get off at the next exit by driving with a couple of tires on the shoulder where the gravel poked through some of the ice. The much-more-rational-than-me-voice said to get a room at the Red Roof Inn, and walk to the Big Boy for a snack. The snack was necessary because I was unprepared for the possibility of a low blood sugar; I learned my lesson and keep emergency food with me at all times.

Winter in Michigan brings with it ice, snow, sleet, cold, and darkness. I’ve lived here all my life and I know to be prepared for whatever the weather might be. I grew up driving pick up trucks and learned to put extra weight in the truck bed to help with traction. But, I wasn’t prepared this time.

It was only November 1^st.

Yesterday we had the first accumulating snow of this winter. With today being December 1^st, it is exactly at the right time. Snow adds to my Christmas spirit. I will put the evergreen wreath on the door. I will prepare the living room for the Christmas tree. I will light cinnamon and mint candles. And tonight I will plug in the Christmas lights, which we put out Thanksgiving week, for the first time this season.

And most days until Christmas, I will sit quietly with my Bible in my hands reading the story, meditating on the miracles and prophecies fulfilled, and be in awe of a God who loves us so much that He came to earth as a small, unremarkable baby, just so we could know He is God.

Bearers of the Light

While preparing to teach a CR lesson on Sponsorship (Tuesday the 19^th), a song came to mind. I don’t usually use my blog to promote music, but I really enjoy the depth in the lyrics of Michael Card. This song, Bearers of the Light, reminds me that every believer needs a mentor, a friend, and someone in which to invest. Another way to look at it: someone who has done it before, someone doing it with me, and someone to teach how to do it for the future. A Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy.

BEARERS OF THE LIGHT

(off the album Poiema, 1996)
By Michael Card

The Light we must bear
Is the Light we must share
Is the Light that illumines the darkness
The promises kept
Give us strength to accept
This burden of bearing the Light

He will walk beside us
A strong friend, Barnabas
He will be that sure shoulder to lean on
The promise we share
Is our burdens to bear
And our Light tells the darkness to be gone

He will come after me
A young Timothy
Looking for someone to guide him
I will kindle his Light
Make him strong for the fight
I will promise to be there beside him

And so we must claim
By His powerful Name
The Promise the Bible has spoken
We must understand
That a cord of three strands
Cannot be easily broken

The great need of a all
A true mentor, a Paul
Who has traveled the road that's before us
He has made good the pledge
To tale the Light on ahead
We can follow his footsteps before us

The Light we must bear
Is the Light we must share
Is the Light that illumines the darkness
The promises kept give us strength to accept
This burden of bearing the Light

One of the Flock

This summer we went to see Whooping Cranes in Wisconsin. We saw several Whooping Cranes way out over the marsh; however, we were unable to see them up close. In the Fall, a bird watching group we follow online reported a single Whooping Crane hanging out with Sandhill Cranes at a bird sanctuary not too far from home. At the first opportunity we made the drive with binoculars and camera in hand.




Unfortunately, the other bird watchers said the Whooping Crane had already flown by. Some birders with large scopes could still see it some distance away, bobbing up and down in the water behind some cattails. We were disappointed, but still watched as Sandhill Cranes flew toward the water in their orderly V-shaped squadrons, one flock after another.



As we watched, I wondered how do they know where to go? Who gets to lead? Who decides? How did they learn aerodynamics? When did they start relying on each other? Is it instinct? How did they come to know they need each other? How did they become predictable and knowledgeable of the turning of the seasons? They just do. Something, Someone, has put this knowledge within them.



My first, instinctual, thought is not usually the most helpful one. I am often confused as to where and why I’m going someplace. I usually try to do things on my own, always fighting against the wind racing at me, not asking for help. My life is not predictable. My life, as a human, is fraught with unpredictability. There are lessons to be learned from the cranes. I need to rely on and trust other people in my “flock” (family, friends, doctors, etc.) I need to take advantage of the rest I get when I let others take their turn out in front, battling the wind.



Basically, I need others to lighten my load, and I need to take my turn lightening the load for others. The church in Colossae was instructed to “bear with one another, and forgive each other whoever has a complaint against anyone.” And to the Galatians: “Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.” We are not meant to navigate through life without giving help and receiving help from those in our “flocks.” Something or Someone has put that knowledge within each of us, also. Part of this knowledge, is a need and desire to be a part of a “flock” that allows us to care and be cared for.



Even the Whooping Crane – lost, off track, confused, and/or frightened – found a flock in which to fit. I need to find a flock going the same way I am. I need to become a part, to fit in. I need to serve the flock and accept service from the flock, as I keep moving toward a common goal(s).



(Quotes taken from Colossians 3:13 and Galatians 6:2)