The Scale is Not God

Each day I get a short devotion in my email from an organization called FINDINGbalance. The balance they are specifically addressing surrounds issues of weight loss, food, body image, and mostly, God and His Word. I need that in my life for so many reasons.

I struggle with food – either eating too much or eating too little. I don’t have a healthy balance many days. However, focusing too much attention on the food issues is also not living a balanced life. I like the way the FINDINGbalance devotions always lead me back to focusing on my Creator God and His plans for me. His most basic plan is that I focus on Him each and every day, that He be taking up the most space in my head. Not my last meal or my next meal. Not how much exercise I did or plan to do.

Today’s Scripture for the devotion is 1 Corinthians 8:5-6: “For even if there are so-called gods whether in heaven or on earth, as indeed there are many gods, and many lords, yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom are all things, and we exist for Him; and one Lord, Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we exist through Him.” [NASB] This passage of Scripture reminds me (and I do need reminding) that there is nothing else in this world that is the one true God. It reminds me that there is only one Lord, Jesus Christ. I tend to make certain things my gods and lords. I let them dictate how I will act and think. However, nothing should be doing that except the one and only true God. Everything I do should be dictated by His Scriptures. The Scriptures direct me to do many things, but not once does it say, “Feel bad about yourself and call yourself names because you are overweight.”

When I make the scale my god, I do feel bad about myself and call myself names. I choose to behave in ways that show I place more value in what the scale says about me than what God says about me. What God sa

ys about me is not determined by a number on a scale. He says He made me, that He formed “my inward parts” and weave[d] me in my mother’s womb.” God’s Word goes on to say, I’m “fearfully and wonderfully made” and that His works are “wonderful.” (Psalm 139:13, 14) He made me just as I am.

I’m not saying that I should just forget about trying to eat healthy and lose some weight. God also said we are His temple (1Corinthians 6:19) and therefore, I should do what I can to take care of His temple. I just need to live and think as though I’m serving God and not as though I’m serving the numbers on the scale. My attention should be on doing the things of God, which includes healthy eating, but not obsessing over my last or next meal. If I focus on living a healthy lifestyle, God will be pleased . . . and I might lose some weight in the process.

More December Thoughts

Last week when I said there would be more December thoughts I had an idea. However today, as I sit to write, I don’t remember what I was thinking. So I decided to write about some memories from December 1978. That was probably the first time Christmas ever really made sense to me.

I was struggling with my alcoholism back then. I was probably drinking everyday and every evening and had been for at least a half of the semester of college. I was only a freshman but being free from my parents made drinking in excess even easier and I took full advantage of the freedom I had. That’s not to say that I hadn’t drank to excess in high school; I did on many occasions. And I hid it from my parents but not from some other adults who tried to help but didn’t really know what to do.

In college, I had made some friends who didn’t drink but most of the friends I made did partake of the alcohol available at parties. But I drank even when there weren’t any parties. I didn’t really realize that it was a problem until I tried to stop and found out that it was not as easy as I thought it would be. One of my non-drinking friends confronted me about my life and my beliefs. Another one sent me Scripture passages about the Christmas story throughout December.

One verse I remember to this day, because it made an impact on my life then and even now. “For today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11. I memorized that verse because it spoke to me. It told me what Christmas was all about. But it didn’t stop me from drinking. That happened as a result of being shared with about the saving power of Christ and that it required a decision on my part. The verse that was shared with me at that time was Revelation 3:20 which says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” I realized that there are only three possible responses to a knock on the door. 1. Ignore the knocking. 2. Ask who it is and then not let the person in. 3. Ask who it is and invite them in. Christ had been presented to me and was knocking on the door of my heart. I had a decision to make about how I would respond to His knocking. It was too late to do the first option and ignore the knocking so that left me with a choice between keeping the door shut on Christ or letting Him in.

I realized that was a big decision. So I tried to stop drinking to make it sober. That’s when I realized that I had a problem. I had nightmares and shaking and felt sick – and really wanted another drink to take the edge off. I managed to not take a drink and made a sober decision to invite Christ into my life. I told God I’d give Him some time to make my life better. I think I mentally gave Him two years because that’s the longest anyone had been my friend and God would have to work in those two years to make me believe He could make a difference.

Well, things didn’t get automatically better for me. There was a struggle with depression and relationship issues. I needed help from a lot of people; friends and professionals. And things still, thirty-six years later, are not always perfect and without troubles, but without Christ in my life I’m pretty sure things would be worse and less hopeful. Telling you this story reminds me of the hope that I have in Him and gives me encouragement for the day. I hope it encouraged you also. Happy December.

Thirty Sterling Principles, Part 7

Today we will look at Principle #15 from Proverbs 23:19-21. It says,

“Oh listen, dear child—become wise;
    point your life in the right direction.
Don’t drink too much wine and get drunk;
    don’t eat too much food and get fat.
Drunks and gluttons will end up on skid row,
    in a stupor and dressed in rags.”

There are several of the thirty sterling principles that talk about the dangers of over indulging in drinking and eating, but this one starts with a warning to the listener: “become wise and point your life in the right direction.” This is in direct contrast to the alternate way of living highlighted in this passage. There’s a contrast between drinking and eating too much and ending up in dire straits (on skid row in a stupor and dressed in rags) and living a life in the right direction avoiding those things.

This passage was a good reminder to me and a challenge to me. Whereas the drinking has not been a major attraction in my life for over 15 years now, eating too much is still a present danger. I thought it was interesting that both forms of overindulging lead to the same desperate situation. I know the hazards of drinking to excess. I’ve been there and I’ve fallen into an emotional skid row many times as a result of the excess drinking. I don’t want to return to that place. So I choose to not pick up the first drink today, the drink that, in my situation always leads to many more.

However, eating is another issue all together. Yet when I think of the despair I feel when I overeat (or under eat) I recognize that food has the potential for driving me to an emotional skid row, too. The problem with food is that we need some. We can’t cut it all out of our diet like we can the alcohol. So a balance is needed. I’m not very good at finding that balance in my life – in any area. I tend to overeat one day and under eat the next to “make up for it.” What I need is balance, moderation, every day. I haven’t quite figured out how to achieve such balance in my life. But, I am working on it. I do know that I don’t want to end up in a spiritual or emotional stupor. That requires some effort from me to eat in moderation.

There are several ways I can achieve moderation. One way is to be accountable to myself, to God, and to another person (actually an AA principle based on Step #5). So today I choose to record my food intake and report it to a friend. That is something I can do each day and I need to be faithful to do it. Today starts a new round of accountability in my life.

King of the Mountain

One who possesses supreme or ultimate power. The fancy word for this is “sovereign.” One definition called it “Super Power.”

Biblically, that means God, the Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be His Name. Yet, I want to try to have that kind of control. I want to be God with the ultimate power. I want to be in control. In Psalm 47 the Psalmist calls God the “King of the mountain.” That brought to mind images from my childhood when we would play a game called King of the Mountain. The object was to be the one on top, holding all attackers off the mountain. Sometimes the mountain would be a playground structure, a snow hill, or the family room couch. The “King” would throw snow at, push, and/or pull to keep any attacker from gaining the top and pushing the King off. The game lasted until there were no more attackers. Until everyone had surrendered.

In God’s realm, all attacks are worthless, because He is the Sovereign King holding off all would be kings. But we still play the game and strive for the top. The game continues on. And I’m right there with all the other foolish attackers, thinking I can gain some advantage, and become the Sovereign King over my own life. I am not able to push or pull God out of the place of supreme or ultimate power, but I keep trying. The result is I grow weary and give up for a time; but I have not surrendered. I live to fight another day.

There are so many areas in my life where I need to become willing to surrender the fight and rest at the foot of the mountain, under the protection of the Supreme King. Recently I’ve resumed the fight again in one area: Dietary restrictions and insulin dosing. I want to be in control. But, all the striving in the world will not give me the control I want. I haven’t yet learned how to surrender to the sovereignty of God in this area. So for another day, the game of King of the Mountain continues.

Choices

Choices. It’s a high-class problem to have to make choices. It means there are options. More than one option. Many options.

It hasn’t always been that way. I may have thought I had options, but I was only fooling myself. Sure I could decide which substance to drink – to get drunk on – but in reality it didn’t matter because the goal was the same: get drunk. I wasn’t making a decision as much as I was giving in to the compulsion.

Today I have choices. I have choices starting with the choice not to take a drink. I’ve made this choice each day (sometimes many times a day) for the last 13 years. Making the choice to stay sober opens up a lot of other options leading to more choices, choices between good things, many good things. Having this many choices means not being able to do everything – at least not at the same time. It leaves options for tomorrow or the next time a similar situation comes up.

Last week I celebrated my 13^th sobriety anniversary. No party. No cake or ice cream. Just quiet thankfulness to the God who has all power and helped me when I could not help myself. I’m celebrating the choices and the ability to make healthy choices. I’m celebrating the choice to stay sober for another 13 years, one day at a time.

Perfect Mary

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Paul said this to the Philippians church (in Philippians 1:6). But, God, through Paul, is saying this to each of us.

It is a promise we can hold onto. Sometimes I have trouble being confident, as Paul was confident, that God is at work in my life. In Alcoholics Anonymous we have a saying that says, “Believe I believe you can recover.” This is often said to a newcomer, someone still struggling with the compulsions and urges of the addiction, who can’t see that a sober life is possible (or even desirable). But the oldtimers know that recovery is possible and ask the newcomer to believe they believe. In the same way, when I have trouble believing my life will get better, I can believe that Paul believed it would – that it would in fact be perfect by the time Christ returns. When my confidence is lagging, I can count on Paul, in this passage and others, to remind me that all is not lost, that the adventure is not over.

Today is one of those days. I feel like I don’t know if I will get better – physically, spiritually, or mentally. I feel unsure of what the next step should be. I feel uncertain of what the next right thing I should be doing is. My confidence might be lagging, but Paul’s is not. I can think about Paul’s confidence that God is working and give myself a little pep talk: God is not done. He is still working. Paul said so. I choose to believe.

So today is a little better. I applied a Biblical principle, a recovery concept, and a mental health skill (cheerleading statements to myself) and now life doesn’t seem so fatal. Maybe, I’ll do another good thing. Maybe I’ll take a walk (with my shoes on).

Addiction Decisions

In general, addictions exist to allow people to avoid feeling. I honed my addictions until they worked like magic – at least I told myself so. The feelings found their way into my thoughts and actions anyway. I have, over the course of several years, made three of my addictions off limits, not even allowing myself to think about them.

First there was alcohol. I came to believe that if I were to drink again, I would die in short order, probably by my own hand. Total abstinence was required. I have maintained that decision for 12 years, one day at a time, by the grace of God.

Then there was another way to numb that I had “used” off and on for years. Self-harm behaviors. I made the decision to stop hurting myself, especially by cutting. Again, total abstinence was required. I have maintained this, for the most part, for about 4 years, one day at a time, by the grace of God.

Most recently I made the decision to not allow myself to consider suicide and suicidal ideation (thinking about suicide and ways to do it) as viable ways to cope with emotional, mental, or physical pain. This also requires total abstinence. I’ve done this, but not perfectly, for the last 18 months, one day at a time, in 6-month intervals, by the grace of God.

Now I have to apply the “replacement skills” I’ve learned as I gave up my addictions. Using new coping skills to fill the gap is uncomfortable. I want to find an easier way to deal with the emotions. The problem is emotions are not easy to deal with – but they are necessary, they exist for a reason.

I was told a year and a half ago that I was addicted to anything that will let me distract from feeling my emotions. I need to remind myself of this often. And in the remembering, I can commit to one more day without using one of these three “favorite” addictions. By the grace of God.