Decision 2012

In December 2010 and January 2011, I wrote a couple of articles about thriving vs. surviving. (See 12-26-10 and 1-2-11 posts) When December 2011 came around I did not renew those decisions and the consequences have been a year of inner turmoil and anguish.

Today I announce that I’m going to remake the decision and see if the rest of my life will be better for me emotionally and mentally. There’s already a sense of relief knowing that I won’t have to deal with thoughts of self-harm on a regular basis. For now, and for once for all, such behaviors are not options for me. This includes suicidal ideation. That has been the hardest behavior to put aside because it has been the alternate plan, the ultimate back up plan, for many, many years.

In coming to this decision, I came across 1 Peter 1:3 – 5 in The Message. It says, “What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have Him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven – and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all – life healed and whole.”

I’m counting on the part that says we “have everything to live for . . . and the future starts now!” I’ve decided to memorize this passage from The Message to remind myself daily that there is life worth living and it starts today. I’ve decided that life is an adventure with both good and bad stressors coming at us daily, but the adventure is worth living if we have God at the center of it. I can trust Him. I just have to decide to do so. Daily. Minute by minute. Sometimes second by second. But ultimately we will have it all – life healed and whole, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can wait for that to happen in God’s timing and not have an ultimate back up plan or escape plan. I may only be planning to escape before I see the miracle happen.

I choose to wait for the miracle.