Burnout

Pastors need sabbaticals. Not necessarily to recover from burnout, but to prevent burnout. They work long weeks, often interrupted by “emergencies.” There are few professional jobs that require the same amount of commitment, flexibility, and people time as those involved in full time ministry. Along with extended sabbaticals, pastors and missionaries need regular time off to connect with family and God in different ways than the usual.

Elijah needed such a time out. He was burnt out on trying to get the northern tribes comprising Israel to repent and return to the worship of Jehoveh God. While much of his burnout was the result of trying to do things on his own, without God’s direct commands, the result was the same as many who are obedient to God: lots of effort, little hoped for results.

Elijah experienced depression, despondency, exhaustion, fear, and doubts. He was no longer sure of his role and mission that Jehoveh had planned for him. I’ve experienced all those emotions along with a lot of questions about my self-worth, purpose, and even, why I am even alive. I believe those feelings are the natural outcome of getting our eyes off God and His plans for us.

God measures success differently than we do. Our success or failure is not based on achieving tremendous outcomes. Success in God’s eyes is not about getting a promotion at work. Success according to God is not the act of accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior (although that’s the beginning). God measures our success by how obedient we are.

In some ways, Elijah was as unsuccessful as he thought he was. This is because he attempted to correct the Israelites apart from God’s plans. As much as I thought that Elijah was a great man of God, I was taken aback by a deeper study of the Scriptures. In 1 Kings 17:1 (CJB) it says,

Eliyahu [Elijah] from Tishbe, an inhabitant of Gil‘ad, said to Ach’av [Ahab], “As Adonai the God of Isra’el lives, before whom I stand, there will be neither rain nor dew in the years ahead unless I say so.”

This is a vow Eliyahu (Elijah) made to Ach’av (Ahab) the king of Israel. Notice Elijah says that there will be no rain or dew unless he says so. There is no record of God sending Elijah to the king to tell him this. Elijah did it on his own. God did give powerful gifts to Elijah – to use as He instructed – but Elijah took things into his own hands and decided what needed to be done. (Don’t we often do the same with our gifts and talents? Every Christian has been given spiritual gifts but I know I have at times used my gifts for my own glory or to seek worldly success.)

Elijah was trying to reshape Israel back into a kingdom that worshiped the God Almighty. He thought his wrath and attacks would do that. He thought that creating a drought and famine would get the people to recognize the one true God. Yet that’s not God’s way. If Elijah was in tune with God, and had been obedient, the efforts to turn Israel back to God would’ve coincided with God’s character. God’s plan has always been to change people’s course by showing mercy. Elijah missed that point.

So Elijah’s lack of success, his lack of obedience to God, and his working so hard and in dangerous situations, led to his burnout. We need to be praying for our pastors and missionaries (and anyone else in full time ministry for God’s sake). We need to pray they would know when to take time off. We also need to pray and work towards our individual churches knowing the importance of time off for our pastors and full time workers in ministry. And we need to give them, and not grudgingly, the time they need.

Christmases Past and Present

This article will be a little like the Christmas Carol story, only I can’t tell what the future will hold for us so there’s no Christmas future. The past and the present will fill up this page pretty well.

Christmases past. When I was a child, there was anticipation and disappointments all mingled together in the memories. I don’t really remember the Christmases where I got what I asked for from Santa. The Christmases that stand out are the ones where I anticipated certain gifts and did not get them (or someone else in my family got them instead). A couple of those gifts were things only a tomboy would love (or an actual boy). As a result, my parents, in their attempts to make me into a girly girl, did not get those toys for me. I remember wanting a Johnny West action figure. They gave me the cowgirl instead (and my brother the Johnny West figure I wanted). I also remember asking for a baseball glove and not getting it. I guess they didn’t feel that was an appropriate gift for a girl.

One thing I always looked forward to was going to my aunt’s and uncle’s house on Christmas day. It was a big party with lots of kids and lots of extended family (and a few more gifts usually clothes which I didn’t want because they were dresses and skirts). But I do remember looking forward to the get together for some reason. Maybe it had to do with the love I felt from all those people.

Now it’s the present and I’ve learned from my past experiences that expectations lead to resentments. So I don’t anticipate getting anything I ask for and have learned to be truly grateful for whatever I get. I will be satisfied if others appreciate the gifts I gave them. Making other people happy makes me happy. I can avoid feeling unloved or uncared for by not expecting any particular gift(s). I think I learned that from my childhood experiences.

I also look forward to getting together with family and friends during the holiday season. However, these days the gatherings are smaller in nature and are not all day events. What I enjoy most is going to church to worship the King on Christmas Eve with my children and husband. I also enjoy the traditions we’ve maintained in our family of watching Scrooge, the Musical on Christmas Eve. I think these are things I can look forward to, while remaining flexible if things don’t work out perfectly, and not end up with resentments.

What Christmas traditions past and present do you practice. Remember especially to keep Christ the center of your Christmas celebrations. Merry Christmas.

Christmas Letter 2015

It's time for our annual letter updating everyone on the happenings in our world. As I reread last year's letter, I realized not much has changed and there's been some big changes at the same time.

My husband is putting in his 32nd year of teaching; most of that time in Fowlerville. We are beginning to plan for his retirement, but it's still 3-4 years away. He spent much of the summer weeding and mulching the flowerbeds in preparation for having an open house for our youngest daughter on June 25, 2016.

I've given up on substitute teaching and spend my time writing emails to friends, working on a second book (very early stages), and writing a weekly blog article. I also spend time investigating the Bible and discussing the Bible with my friends, Kris, who lives in Idaho, and Jean, who lives in Minnesota.

My son is in his 3rd year at IBM in Chicago and is doing very well. Most importantly, he's enjoying his work and the people he works with. He's been able to visit us several times this year including Thanksgiving and during the Christmas holiday. Having him around is a pleasure. It's been especially interesting to listen to him when he's working from "home" while he's visiting us. He's matured into a thoughtful, caring, business-minded, honest young man. We are proud of him.

Our older daughter is in her last year at Oakland University. She will graduate in April 2016 with a double major in Anthropology and Communications. She continues to work at the university's library and at our local grocery store as she is able. She also volunteered for the 3rd year in a row at the archaeological dig at Colonial Michilimackinac in Mackinaw City, MI for a week in July. She's not sure what she will do when she graduates but is looking for internships or jobs that will help her decide what to study in graduate school.

Our younger daughter is working hard in school taking three Advanced Placement classes. She's applied to and been accepted by Western Michigan University and is planning to go there next year. She's waiting to hear about a possible scholarship she's eligible for. She should hear in January.

A highlight of this past summer was taking a trip to Boston, MA and Buffalo, NY. We went to the Canadian Niagara Falls, took tours of historic sites in Boston, went to Cape Cod to a beach, visited Cooperstown to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame, and toured two Frank Lloyd Wright designed homes in the greater Buffalo area.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Summer Time

So this week marks the beginning of summer break for my husband and one of my daughters (the other daughter has been on break since the end of April). Things change around the house when they are all here and not off at school bright and early in the morning. For one thing, nobody is getting up at 5:30 a.m. and are often in my way when I want to get around for the day (at about 7:00 a.m.). Also, with everyone sleeping in (sometimes to 8:00 a.m.) it makes it harder for me to get up in a timely manner.

It’s only been a few days and I feel totally off schedule. I almost forgot to write this blog article. It took me until 10:30 a.m. to start my morning routine. That could make me mad – at myself, at the other people in my way, at the situation. However, today I recognize that there were some divine appointments to be kept. Divine appointments are those things that come up in the day that weren’t planned by me, but are very important to deal with in a timely manner. For instance, one of the reasons I didn’t get started with my morning routine things (Quiet Time, Praise, Prayer, and writing my best friend) is because my 21 year old daughter was up early and we watched a little TV together and talked a little about our plans for the day. That’s important to do every once in a while. It was a divine appointment because in talking to my daughter, I gained ideas on things to pray for her in my daily prayer time. And watching TV was just a bonding time of sorts.

I feel out of sorts because it took me until 3:45 p.m. to send a note to my best friend – something that’s usually done well before 10:00 a.m. However, I was able to write about some situations and things that came up today, that she will pray about, which I wouldn’t have been able to share if I’d written earlier in the day. So all those interruptions to my day allowed me to share more deeply and from my heart with one of the people I know will be praying for my family and me. That only came about because of the divine appointments that came up earlier in the day. I could look at those appointments as interruptions to my day (which is what I tend to do), or I can acknowledge God’s divine appointments and trust that God will give me the moments necessary to do the other, ordinary important things in my days.

I don’t like being flexible and accepting of the “interruptions” in my day. I really struggle with this. However, if I remember that God has a plan for me and His plan is for my welfare and not for calamity, I can look at each day as an adventure. I’m going to try to do that as much as I can for the rest of the summer.

December Thoughts

It’s already the first week in December 2014. It doesn’t seem like the year is almost over, but it is. There have been a lot of things that have gone on in our lives in the last year. Some of the events have been causes for joy and some have brought heartache. But every year, as December begins, I remember back to other Decembers and think about significant events that happened in several of them.

In December 1963, my baby sister was born. I was almost four years old and I don’t remember anything about that event. Yet it is significant because my sister and I have grown close over the last few years. I treasure having her in my life and wish we lived closer together so I could go see her more often. We talk weekly and over the last year, we’ve been communicating regularly using Facebook messaging. There’s nothing like having a sister on your side through thick and thin. She’s been a great prayer-warrior for my family. That has great value to me as sometimes I just don’t know what to pray for. She always seems to have a perspective that I am unable to see.

In December 1978, I met Jesus for the first time face to face and became a believer in His salvation. When I think of that event, I think of the people God placed in my life to help me meet Him and make a decision. Some of the people I only recall by the role they played in my life, like the woman on my dorm floor who sent slips of paper with Scripture written on them as part of her Secret Santa gift to me. Others, I remember by name for the roles they played were significant in big ways. Jill (Spalding) Slater was the person God used to actually share the gospel message with me that December resulting in my turning to God in faith. And there were people who were praying for me: Diana (Keim) Schultz, Jean (Hayes) LaPlante, Mark and Mary Bonham, to name a few. It seems like such a long time ago, but those people are still very dear to me.

In December 1989, my son was born. He was actually born on December 13^th, which is the same day of the month that I accepted Christ on in 1978. He was born two weeks early and at the time I didn’t link together the two “birth” days, but I have thought about it many times since then. My son will be 25 this year. Where has the time gone? I cherish every day I’ve had with him over the years and still cherish the time we get with him now. He lives in Chicago now so we don’t see him much but we do talk on the telephone – sometimes it seems like it’s daily. I guess our relationship is changing from parent and child to friends. That’s a good thing . . . and it reminds me to hurry up and get his birthday present in the mail.

In December 1997, one of our daughters was born. She wasn’t born to me and I wouldn’t meet her for another 15 years when she would come to live with us. We didn’t know her when she was born, but we get to celebrate her birthday with her now in December. Our lives would be so very different, and less somehow, had she not come into our lives. There are challenges, but there are also moments of joy. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her as part of it.

So December is a special time of year for me. There are memories from past events and events happening now that will become the memories of the future. December is worth celebrating for oh so many reasons . . . more next week.

No Ideas

Sometimes it’s hard to come up with an idea for something to write about in my blog. I don’t have a boring life, so the fact that I can’t think of anything to write about kind of irritates me. Life does have it’s routines and maybe I get caught up in the routine a little too much and forget to notice the unusual or the extraordinary.

One thing that is going on in our lives is that our son will be moving to Chicago. His first real, post-college, job begins June 19^th. That means we have to move some of his stuff from our home to his current apartment (or to a storage unit near his current apartment) so the movers will be able to move all his stuff at once. This has been a big project. The logistics of it are still being worked out. While it is somewhat frustrating and a bit overwhelming to deal with all the details, it is also an exciting time. We are very proud of him. He is trying to finish up his graduate studies, look for an apartment in the greater Chicago area, and plan his move. All we have to do is get his stuff to him. I don’t know why I’m feeling so overwhelmed by it.

We also have our daughter home from her first year of college. It was a good year as far as her studies went. We are very proud of her for all she accomplished during her freshman year of college. We’ve been able to have some good discussions about a wide range of subjects. I’m cherishing these conversations and times together. However, it would also be good if she could find a job for the summer. That is proving a hard thing to do. She may end up doing some volunteer work for a local Christian organization. Whatever she does it will be nice to have her around for the summer.

So, there are eventful things going on in our lives. I should be able to come up with even more interesting items to write about, but for this week this is the best I can do. Hope you are having a good week.

Memories of Mom

Can you remember your earliest memory of your mom? I can’t come up with a specific memory that is my mom from a young age. What I remember about my mom is a presence, a personality, a practical influence in my life.

My mom recently passed away and it has sparked thoughts of how she influenced my life. To some the influences may seem trivial but in reality they are profound to me. The things I remember about Mom helped form who I am and who I’ve been as a mom myself.

Mom was a trooper in the sense that she was game for anything. One memory I have is being taken, with my three siblings and my dad, to Florida for a couple of weeks one summer. She packed our clothes, planned our route, scheduled motel stops, packed lunches, planned dinners (often made in an electric frying pan in the motel room), organized the station wagon, and arranged for games to play along the way. The organization involved in taking six people, including four children, ages three to ten, from Michigan to Florida baffles me as I think about it today. Yet Mom did it, for us, to give us a trip we would never forget.

Mom also developed into a seasoned camper. We bought a camper when I was about nine and never looked back. We would spend long weeks during the summer camping all around Michigan and Canada. Again, Mom organized and orchestrated all kinds of details regarding these trips. I remember her enjoying the camping trips but she was not work-free during these trips. There was still the cooking to do, the dishes to wash (which meant boiling water on the stove), laundry to wash and activities to plan. The lazy days of summer were not lazy days for my mom as she strove to provide us kids with memorable summers of camping fun.

Mom was rightly proud of her professional life. She was a college-educated woman. She was a Medical Technologist at a time when many women didn’t get a college degree. She worked for several years in a doctor’s laboratory and then took time off to have her growing family take priority. After many years as a stay-at-home-mom, she went back to work in a nuclear laboratory which involved getting retrained, right along with the current staff of the lab, in new ways of doing medical testing. She worked for many years after that, using her money to help put all five of her children through college. She loved her job, but that was not the goal of working. She wanted to provide for her family. She valued education and expected each of her children to complete their bachelor degrees as a minimum. That happened, not just because of her financial support but because of her encouragement to achieve academically.

Mom was still supporting education into the lives of her grandchildren. Her financial resources were such that she could give large chunks of money towards college educations for each of the grandkids. I know I appreciate that interest and support as my kids have benefited from her generosity. She will continue to influence her nine grandchildren based on her encouragement to value their educations as much as she did. My kids have strong memories of their Yiayia supporting and being proud of their academic achievements. She came to each of their high school graduations and was proud to be included in the celebrations of their successes. Mom was true to the end on valuing education.

There are other thoughts I have of Mom. Not all of them are positive, but over the last year or so I’ve come to understand that Mom did the best she could and what she did do was not half bad . . . it was much more than half good. I’m successful in the things I do today, in part, because Mom invested so much into my life. For that part, I am forever grateful.

Holiday Thoughts

It’s time to write another blog article. I don’t really have a topic in mind and when that happens it makes writing very hard. I need a direction, a place to go. I don’t have one of those today. So, I thought I’d share a little about my thoughts on the upcoming holidays.

Today, my daughter asked what is on the menu for Thanksgiving Dinner. I do have the menu planned out, but not necessarily the details (like what vegetable we are having). Dorm food must really have her down if she’s thinking a week ahead to Thanksgiving Dinner. She also wanted to know if anyone was coming that would be spending the night. I don’t know, and can’t guess, what that’s about. I wonder if she thinks she’ll have homework or if she’d have to give up her bed (she has a loft here so it’s not like grandma is going to sleep there!)

Yesterday, my husband said something very shocking. He said maybe we should start thinking about doing the unthinkable: get an artificial tree. That’s something he once told me he’d never do. I grew up with an artificial tree. There are some definite benefits to having one, foremost in my mind is the lack of pine needles scattered, thanks to our cats, throughout the house. But, not having a live, pine-scented, tree also means the house won’t smell like Christmas. Do they make air fresheners in pine scent? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have to look into that.

This last weekend, when it was in over 60 degrees outside, we hung up our outdoor Christmas lights. They won’t be turned on yet, but they are ready to go. We also put the birdbath warmer out. Today, the birdbath is frozen and we had to plug the heater in. What a change since Sunday. I’m glad we will not have to fumble in the cold with the lights. I’m glad we took the opportunity to hang them when we did. Now we will have to see if we will get them taken down before Easter.

Last week, I purchased my first Christmas present. It should be arriving in the mail soon. I’m excited to do some more shopping, but I don’t like spending money. I like giving presents but I don’t like spending the money. It makes holiday shopping a two-edged sword with fun on one side and pain on the other.

There. Does any of that help you get into the holiday spirit? I hope so. It’s motivated me to shop again. Now that I’m done with this blog article, I will go online to see what I can find.

Preparations

Hurry up and wait. That’s what it feels like. Getting ready for a big party, for my daughter’s high school graduation open house. I’m finding there are some things that cannot be done ahead of time and that is frustrating. I’m also finding there are things my daughter wants to do, without help from me, and letting her do them is frustrating. And, different from my son’s open house, four years ago, when he didn’t want to do anything except show up.

I’ve been in “stand by” mode, waiting in the wings, just in case she needs or wants help from me. She’s busy preparing homemade, all the way down to the crust, pies. She did not want a cake at her party. She wanted to be different and to her homemade, from scratch, pies at an open house is as different as she can get. I have to admit, I’ve never been to an open house where pie was the featured item. We are having sub sandwiches, barbecued mini-smokie links, con queso dip with chips, potato chips with dip, and Greek salad. But, for Caitlinn, we have pies in lieu of cake.

There will be a small cake, however. My son graduated from college this spring and my daughter said to get him a cake. She ordered one for him to have at the open house. He doesn’t know that (and since he doesn’t usually read my blog, I’m pretty safe mentioning it here without breaking the surprise).

For my part, I have just a few more things to shop for that have to wait at least until Friday, because I don’t have room in my refrigerator yet to store them. But, I have my list so I’m ready. I guess I’m as ready as I can be.

Yet, I know I will probably add something to one of my lists of things to buy or do between now and the time I actually post this blog. 

Summer Plans

A friend asked us what camping trips we have planned for this summer. The answer: “None.”

Summer is coming. For the last 25-plus years I’ve had to plan a summer trip, usually a camping trip. But, we sold our pop-up camper last summer. Maybe that was premature. I miss the trips and summer is not even here yet.

It was the logical, practical thing to do. Selling the camper while it was still in very good condition and knowing we would not be using it with the kids moving on into their adult lives, was fine. But, I did not realize the emotional toll it would take on me. We are approaching another summer and I have no plans. I know there are hotels and such, but those accommodations are so much more expensive than the camping option. Not only do you have to pay for the room, you have to buy food at restaurants. Packing our own food was a lot less expensive.

It’s not just the money thing that prevents planning a trip. Without the kids to “expose” to new and different events and/or sights, I don’t have any motivation for figuring out where to go. The campground was a good-enough destination for the kids with a pool or lake for swimming, campfires, hikes, or even just sitting around enjoying the fresh air. No television to distract, DVD player to tempt, or computers/internet to draw our attention. However when camping there is always a table upon which to set up marathon games of Risk, fire pits to build fires in for roasting hotdogs, and quiet in which we could read or have extended conversations.

Destinations also introduced our kids to historical events, geological phenomena, cultural differences, scientific discoveries, and so many other new things. Art museums, submarine tours, natural history museums, rock formations, wildlife, zoos, river-carved ravines, local cuisine, birds, fish, deer, historical museums, historical monuments, NASA, horseback riding, canoeing, etc. Our trips provided opportunities to learn things from map reading to outdoor cooking to getting along in cramped places. Now I have to figure out what might be interesting for me to go see. It was easier to figure out new things for the kids to go see and/or do.

So that’s where I am with my summer vacation plans. No camping trip(s), no trips at all. Time to figure this out. Time to plan a trip. Where should Mike and I go? Any ideas or suggestions? I’m open to ideas.

Why?

“Why?” I was asked this several times over the last several days. It was like they didn’t believe I had thought things through. And, I didn’t think I should have to explain myself. They did and persisted.

“Why are we using these ‘real’ plates?” I bought two 4-piece table settings in the after Christmas sales last year. I thought they would be festive. I liked them. And, contrary to many of the past 13 years experiences, I had the energy to entertain, cooking from scratch. I wanted the table to look as energetic and festive as I was trying to feel. I even told them I would do the dishes, if no one else wanted to (the normal “rule” in our house is: The cook doesn’t clean). “Doing the dishes” in our house means hand-washing everything; we do not have a dishwashing machine.

So, I understand that they may consider washing the dishes an arduous activity that interferes with socializing and/or “toy” playing, but without being asked to, my college-aged son, home for the holidays, got up as we finished eating, started clearing the table, ran water into the sink, and started doing the dishes. As the drainer became full, my daughter got up and started to dry and put away the dishes, pans, silverware, etc.

“Why are you making all these ‘extra’ food things?” They are right. We don’t need them. I wanted them, and I had a good reason, too. These food items, these “extra” food things were important to me. They brought back some of the happy childhood memories. And they had been the Tradition, the special once or twice a year treats. Ethnic treats, one of which I have not made in a long time because it was normally my sister’s contribution to the meal. She was unable to come this year . . . so I made the Spanakopita (Spinach Pie).

My normal contribution to the family get-togethers comes in the form of dessert. I used to make the pies – apple, cherry, pumpkin – but I taught my daughter well and she makes them now (by the way, did I mention she makes the crust dough from scratch, using a very good, no problem recipe that’s been handed down in our family). So, another dessert I usually make is Baklava. It was not the humongous pans of Christmases past, but it was enough to give everyone a taste of the tradition.

We usually have some kind of green salad with the meal, but my mom and/or dad would usually make a Greek salad with the feta cheese, peppers, and Kalamata olives. This year it was not convenient for my mom or dad to take on this task, with one living in a small apartment and the other watching us from heaven. So the generation of the grandchildren made the salad, with the feta cheese, peppers, and Kalamata olives. It was a way for them to feel connected to their grandparents.

That kind of sums up my answers to the “Why?” questions. It helps me feel connected to the people in my past that are no longer with us. Those loved-ones from my dad’s generation, the first-generation Greek Americans, are slowly but steadily leaving us with only our memories, traditions and a few heirlooms to mark their existence. So, why? So I can be connected to my heritage and my ancestors, so I can keep my memories alive, and so I can pass down to my children at least a little bit of the rich qualities of their heritage.

The Extras. Why?

WHY DO WE DO THE THINGS WE DO?

Because we always have. Not a great answer. My teenage daughter wants everything to make sense. That’s “make sense to her.” Her questions have encouraged me to think about why I do the things I do. I often find myself doing things in remote control – out of habit, tradition, or because I always have. Automatic.

So, it’s the Holidays. She has questions and objections. The Christmas traditions are not as important to her as they are for me. Is that okay? The “real,” most basic reason for Christmas, celebrating Jesus’ birth, is not in question. The hoopla and trappings with which we celebrate are all up for thoughtful consideration.

For instance, “Why do we have a Christmas tree?” She insists it is part of some ancient pagan celebration. Many people agree – but not all theologians and historians do. Anyone can google “Christmas Tree” and get close to 8,000,000 hits. 8-million thoughts and beliefs, and histories of the Christmas Tree. The stories of the origins of this tradition go back as far as ancient Egypt and move towards modern times from there. Jeremiah, in the seventh century BC wrote that it is a pagan practice to carry a tree into the house. The pagans during that time were carving trees into images of their gods, plating them with silver and gold, and worshipping them. Jeremiah railed against the Israelites doing similar activities.

Many other pre-Christ (and therefore pre-Christmas) traditions had something to do with bringing trees into the house, hanging fir boughs over doorways, and putting gifts (often food or trinkets for the servants’ and apprentices’ children) on the lower branches of the tree. One story about Martin Luther says he was captivated by a scene he came across in a small clearing of several fir trees in a group, with a dusting of snow upon their branches, and the moonlight creating twinkles of reflections on the snow. He wanted to share that experience with his family so he cut and brought into his house a fir tree and placed candles on it to represent the beauty of God in nature.

From there, northern Europe, immigrants brought the tradition with them to America. Some sources claim Hessian mercenary soldiers (generally believed to be from an area of Germany) brought the tradition with them when they came to fight on the side of the British in the Revolutionary War. However the Puritans and other strict Christian groups in this country saw the trees as “unchristian.” The tradition spread slowly and as late as 1851 a minister from Cleveland (Ohio) almost lost his job after allowing a tree in his church.

By the early 1900s, Christmas Trees were a part of Christmas celebrations all across the country.

So, why do we have a Christmas tree? It may have begun as part of a pagan practice, but it also appears to have roots in the Middle Ages. Even though the Martin Luther story is widely discredited, other traditions still place Christmas trees in northern Europe and spread around the world as Christians from places like Germany immigrated.

My conclusion: We don’t need to have a tree. It is not a necessary part of Christmas. I like having one. My daughter does not. She can choose to do Christmas her way . . . but for now she is stuck with our family tradition of putting up and decorating a Douglas fir. (I wonder what will happen to all the Hallmark ornaments we’ve bought her every Christmas since she was born?)

I guess we are developing a new family Christmas tradition: Examining and challenging why we do the things we do.

Tools For Closure

“Is this my 7^th and 8^th grade shop teacher’s house?” We heard this over and over during the two day estate sale we had this last weekend to get rid of some of the stuff my mom did not want to take with her to her new apartment in an Independent Living Center. We were asked this question probably 20 - 30 times.The answer was almost always, ‘Yes.” These incidents were interesting to say the least and inspirational at the best. Usually I was somewhere in between, remembering some of the bad stuff of the past while being faced with the persona my dad showed the world around him. Some of those stories, the persona ones, are described below.

As I indicated above, one of the coolest things was the number of people who came to the sale that had been students of my dad in his wood shop classes in Junior High. We lived just 4 blocks from the Junior High so there were a lot of students in Dad's classes from the surrounding neighborhood. Many of the former students had their children with them and told their kids that the hammer (or saw or chisel, or power sander or lumber or whatever) being bought for them were tools from his or her shop teacher. Several were actually motivated to start teaching their kids woodworking skills. One guy walked up the driveway looking at stuff. He eventually made it to the garage where we had miscellaneous new and used tools laying out to be sold. Some of my dad's woodworking projects (in various levels of completion) were also for sale out on tables.

This guy's head swiveled around looking at the wood projects and tools. Then he asked my older brother if this was a sale of Mr. Mallos' stuff. We told him yes and then he started talking about having similar cutting board and box -- his parents still use the cutting board! He was a 40+ year old man in a proverbial toy store (the "toys" now were saws, hammers, etc.) Eventually he and his wife decided to buy the two twin beds we had for sale (also made by my dad in his early years of woodworking). He was so excited that he would have this long term connection to his favorite teacher, and he was excited to give his boys new -- handcrafted -- beds.

There were many other such stories. Dad would've been so happy that former students bought his tools. He would have been embarrassed by their repeated kind words. One woman said he was the best teacher she ever had, even through college. She said he was fun, funny, really listened to her, made sense out of the math she kept getting poor grades in by applying it in shop. She said he was "tough but fair." My brothers got through selling dad's stuff (which they had been saying they needed to do since a couple months after my dad's death in 2004) because of these stories. It gave them closure and made the "disposal" of dad's stuff easier. I felt like a little part of Dad was passed on to each person who would now use those tools. He would be laughing (and probably giving away many more things than we did), by the whole event and chitchatting with his former students.

For me, it was one more chance to process and eradicate (or at least lessened) the feelings of pain, fear, and numb from my childhood. It can be, at least in my mind, a symbolic gesture but is also part of the healing and recovery process.

Treasuring the moments

Monopoly. My generation played it as kids. We introduced it to our kids. Apparently, both generations have yet to outgrow playing it. My “kids” are now young adults, but this last weekend, we played Monopoly. I suggested we play a game. My daughter and son bantered a bit about what to play. Scrabble. Pit. Risk. Euchre. Trivial Pursuit. Cribbage. Pictionary. Boggle. Finally, they settled on Monopoly.

We love playing the games, but I love doing something, anything, as a family, parents and children, together, that doesn’t involve the television. I’ve heard there’s research out there saying that playing such games is advantageous for the mental and social development of children.* However we were playing games together before I heard about that research. We started by playing Hi Ho Cherrio, Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Memory, Trouble, and puzzles of all sizes and shapes. My “research,” noticing the anecdotal evidence of my children playing with us and as they interact with others, leads me to believe the research might be accurate.

Games require math skills, critical thinking, planning, strategizing, logic, give and take, listening, talking, honesty, fair play, courtesy, vocabulary building, patience, humor and increasing levels of knowledge. You can probably think of more skills. If I had time, I could too. Giving my children a chance to develop these skills is, however, only a positive by-product of our game playing. Our reasons for playing stay the same. We enjoy each other’s company. We have fun – lots of fun, complete with hysterical laughter causing pop to come out our noses! I can’t wait for the next time. Maybe a couple more times this Christmas break. Maybe we will invite some of you over to play, too.

*Web sites about some of the research:

http://www.srcd.org/journals/cdev/1-2/ramani.pdf

http://www.srcd.org/journals/cdev/1-2/ramani.pdf

http://www.radicalparenting.com/