People Pleasing and Honesty

It was brought to my attention today that sometimes I worry too much about other people’s feelings. Call me a people pleaser if you will, I don’t want to say or do things that might make other people upset. While this can be a good thing in some ways, in other ways it means I allow myself to be hurt.

For instance, today as therapy was winding down, I let the time slip away and the session went on for too long. I wanted to get out of there to make it to my AA meeting in a timely fashion. I’m usually late to my meeting and I go in each time 10 – 15 minutes late and apologize for being late. Every week. Why? Because I’m too afraid of offending my therapist to say, “Time’s up. I need to leave.” I’m worried about hurting her feelings.

I realized today that if I want to be an honest person and hold fast to my values that I need to speak up when necessary. The funny thing is that by telling my therapist time is up, I’m actually not likely to offend her. It’s actually doing her a favor by helping her keep on time. And, it serves my purpose of getting to my meeting on time. So, today I spoke up, felt guilty, went to my meeting late, and heard an awesome message reminding me that if I’m going to be honest about my feelings, I need to speak up about them.

This is not the only example of when I need to speak up and share from my feelings. Sometimes I worry too much about what others might think if I stated my opinion. I find I often do this with my husband. The man loves me and there’s very little in the way of my opinions that I can speak up about where he will become mad or offended. Yet I worry about it way too often.

I’m not saying I need to say everything that comes to my mind, but much of what I have to say would not offend or harm anyone. I’m just afraid to say anything. So, today, in this post, I’m saying I should not be so afraid of speaking my mind or my opinion. I can even say things that might be hard for other people to hear, if I say them with genuine love and concern. I can definitely state my opinion about many things without being afraid. I need to get over being afraid of saying what I think and feel. Today I grew in my awareness of my people pleasing tendencies and now I can take steps to be more honest with the people in my life.

Unleavened Bread

No I’m not going to give a recipe. Well not in the normal sense of the word. But there is a recipe for living a life that is pleasing to God. That recipe is to live an uncorrupted, pure, sinless life.

If only that was possible all the time. However, I know I often fail and do or think things that do not please God. How can I avoid displeasing God? Each day is a new chance to try and live a life pleasing to God. I need to wake up each morning and start by asking the question, “What would God have me do today?” In AA, we ask, “What’s the next right thing I should be doing?” If I can start my day that way, I have a greater chance of living a life that is closer to pleasing God.

My biggest failure in this area comes in my thought life. It’s not like I set out to actually assassinate anyone, but if thoughts could kill . . . And, it’s not usually any specific person that I’m thinking about. It’s humanity in general. I would change some things if I could. But just thinking that things should be changed is a behavior that leads to discontent, bossiness, and overall dissatisfaction with my life. That’s not the way God wants me to live or think. He wants me to be content with what He’s given me. He wants me to be satisfied with where I’m in life.

I’m not saying there are not things I need to change. There are many things I need to change about my life. It’s when I start to want things to change that are outside of my control that I get into trouble. It’s believing I can change the world – or just other people around me – that gets me into trouble. It’s believing I can force things to be my way that leads to living a life that is not pleasing to God. He wants me to accept and love other people. I don’t have to approve of how others act or think, but I do have to love them and accept them for where they are.

I tend to believe I have the power to change my world. That is thinking corruptly, with leaven in my heart. When I’m accepting and loving, I’m at peace with my world and living a much more uncorrupted life, a purer life, an unleavened life. As I continue looking at my Bible Study this week on Unleavened living, I realize just how far I have to go to follow Jesus’ example of living an unleavened life. He was pure and totally uncorrupt in every way. That’s the example He sets for me. He wants me to be unleavened bread, just as He is in this corrupt world.