Over the last 12 weeks or so, I’ve been sharing with you
about the insights I’ve gotten from doing the Intimacy With God Bible study, by Cynthia Heald. I shared how my
intimacy with God has grown and changed during this time (and hope continuing
on from here). I can now say that my intellectual attachment to God has grown.
That was always my strong suit before, and now it’s stronger. I rarely felt
emotionally connected to God, but that has changed. As a result, I’m more able
to see God at work in all areas of my life. I encourage everyone to develop
both sides of their intimacy with God, and if you need help, invest your time
and resources to studying Intimacy With
God, by Cynthia Heald.
In writing my blog articles about intimacy with God, I
mentioned several times how these concepts were helping me deal with the
struggles in my life, as they were happening. What I didn’t tell you was what those
struggles were about. I realize I’ve mentioned some of my various struggles in
the past: mental illness, alcoholism, insulin-dependent diabetes, general
fears, and various anxieties. However, since March, I’ve been dealing with
something new: CANCER.
Follicular Lymphoma Grade IIIa, to be exact. I noticed a
lump in/on my neck in late February and, after some urging from my therapist, I
made an appointment to see my doctor. He thought it was “strange” also and
referred me to a Ears, Nose, and Throat (ENT) specialist. After a couple of
needle biopsies and a CT Scan (and lots of waiting in between each procedure),
it was decided that in order to get an accurate diagnosis, some surgery was
needed (on my left neck area where the lump was) to remove as much of the
tissue as possible from which more biopsies could be done. That surgery
happened on May 31st. It took almost two weeks to get any results
from that, but when all was said and done, it was cancer.
I was referred to Oncology (Cancer Center) and after waiting
some more, and seeing a doctor there, more tests were ordered, after which
there was more waiting. Those tests revealed that the cancer, as far as they
could tell, was not systemic and, therefore, Stage One. The course of action
would be radiation treatments. So I was referred to a Radiology Oncologist.
After a few more procedures and tests and scans, a protocol was set up for my
treatment and I began treatments on July 31st. I went every weekday
through September 6th for about 10 minutes of treatment. I was able
to schedule the treatments for early afternoon each day and kept my usual
morning routines as much as possible.
Now that stage of my treatment is over. However, I’m finding
I need even more intimacy with God to deal with the “surveillance” stage, where
there’s more waiting to see if the cancer is gone, shrunk, whatever. There are
more CT Scans in my future, but right now I’m just in a waiting and trusting
mode. Trusting God has become easier since I’ve been getting to know Him better
through greater intimacy. As I said in my last blog article, I’m continuing to
do several important things for depending on God, in all His greatness, as I
draw closer to Him.
Maybe that’s why He didn’t urge me to tell more people about
this. He wanted me to trust Him and lean on Him. On Him alone. Not on the
prayers of others. Not on the sympathy of others. Just on Him alone. I think He
led my Bible study partner and me to this study just so I could enhance my walk
with Him and grow closer to Him. I’m going to continue looking for examples of
Jesus’ intimacy with us and I’m going to continue to work on deepening my
intimacy with Him. I’m seeing it everywhere now. Like in Psalm 5:3, I will turn
to Him each and every day and order my life around my trust in Him. That verse
says (I quoted it last week, too):
In the morning, O Lord,
Thou
wilt hear my voice;
In the morning I will order my prayer
to Thee
and
eagerly watch.
Yes! In the morning. But also throughout the day as I review
and memorize Scripture, study His Word, and spend time devoted to praising Him.
And, sharing as much of Him as is possible with those who need to know Him
better.
What can you do to grow more intimate with God? That is my
challenge to you today!
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