Thoughts on Hope, Part 3

The third factor in hopelessness is survival. The key result of this hopelessness is a sense of doom. It leads to a sense of forsakenness, limitedness, doom, and helplessness. There are many passages in David’s psalms that depict how David’s very life is in danger. He has a sense of doom and despair. This sense of doom plays into the beliefs that things will never change and that things will not get better. The passages of Scripture already cited deal with those issues.

The sense of doom also plays into my fears about people and the future. I used to have a rule for living that stated, “Nothing I want will happen.” Another “old” rule stated that I believe that all relationships with other people will fail. That’s a sense of doom for relationships. And without other people in our lives, it is hard to survive. However, those rules have been put aside, for the most part, and I try not to slip back into believing them or acting as if I believe them. Sometimes it’s harder than other times to do that. For instance, if I have a conflict with a person, I slip into thinking the relationship cannot withstand the anxiety, tension, hurt feelings, despair, or sadness that comes from being in conflict with another person.

There are Scriptural references which address conflict among people, especially people who are brothers and sisters in Christ. However, several of the passages tell us that the conflict might result in severed relationships even after we’ve done all we can to restore the relationship. Matthew 18:15-17 says,

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” [ESV]

So I have to accept the possibility that a severed relationship might happen. However there’s a lot of work and effort that needs to be exerted before we “give up” and turn it over to God to deal with.

There are other verses that address dealing with conflicts by forgiving the other person and offering to meet their needs regardless of the conflict. The section in Romans 12:17-21 gives us instructions for dealing with our “enemies” with love and concern:

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” [ESV]

These passages do not alleviate my fears that friendships and relationships may end but they give me hope that something can be done to deal with the hurt feelings and frustrations that come from severed relationships.

Scripture also gives plenty of advice for how to deal with conflict. As we saw in the Matthew 18 passage, we need to go to the person and present our case. If that doesn’t work (because the person refused to listen), then bring two or three others (presumably godly others) with you to help mediate the situation. Other passages talk about being forgiving towards those who have offended you. An example of this kind of instruction is found in Colossians 3:13 which says, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” [ESV] Another familiar verse on forgiveness is found in Luke 17:4 and says, “And if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” [ESV]

These verses and passages give me hope because they place ultimate judgment in God’s hands and make judgment not my responsibility. I need to do what Scripture says about conflict resolution and trust God for the outcomes. And mostly, I need to practice forgiving those who have offended me in some way to maintain a peaceful existence.