Status of Commitment

I’m still afraid to make the commitment for a long period of time. It’s been suggested to me that I make it for one day at a time, like I did for stopping drinking. Also like stopping drinking, that doesn’t mean the thoughts to drink (or kill myself) won’t come up from time to time. It just means I don’t act on those thoughts and purposefully turn my thoughts to something else. I will see how this works one day at a time. Then maybe I will develop the confidence and courage to make the commitment for a longer period of time.

So as a reminder to me, I’m reprinting the commitment statement I posted last week:

“He has by his own action given us everything that is necessary for living the truly good life, in allowing us to know the one who has called us to him, through his own glorious goodness.”

If I believe God’s Word, then I have to believe that He’s given me everything I need to live a good life even when my life doesn’t seem so good. With this in mind, I will dismiss thoughts of suicide, reminding myself that it is not an option. To support this commitment, I will write one truthful statement from the Word of God in my journal each time the thoughts occur.

Suicidal thinking includes thoughts about losing weight in inappropriate, unhealthy, life-threatening ways including mismanaging my insulin dosing.

I am making this commitment because God has promised me a good life and I need to wait to see what He will bring about without taking things into my own hands. I am making this commitment to those who love and need me, especially not wanting to hurt or “damage” them.

1.     All my parts (including adult). I will work to break the cycle of abuse from my parents with my inner child as I have done with my physical children.

2.     My immediate family

3.     Best friend

4.     Bible study partner

5.     Recovery friends: Therapist, AA

6.     My siblings

7.     Current and future fans of my book(s)

On my commitment statement I will share with my therapist, I have a signature line and a date line. On Wednesday, in her presence, I will commit to thinking suicide is not an option a day at a time and sign and date on the lines.