Parenting Idols

I’m reading a book called Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. I’m not very far in it yet, but one thing stands out to me. I have a lot of idols in my life that interfere with the way I relate to the teens in my life. These idols are not the typical things I think of when I think of having idols in my life. Those things – pride, selfishness, material possessions, etc. – are more easily seen as idols. The idols that get in my way of being an effective Christian parent are more subtle.

The definition the book uses for idols is interesting: “the places where we have tended to exchange worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of created things.” In another place it says, “What really rules our hearts?”

The idols parents of teens may have deal with comfort, respect, appreciation, success, and control. These are things we think we deserve and that our teens should supply for us. Take appreciation for example. We think by the time our children get to be teenagers they should appreciate all the wonderful things we have done and are doing for them. That takes a higher level of thinking than teens are generally capable of. If I am honest about it, my first two children didn’t really start voicing appreciation for the things I have done for them until they were away at college and suddenly came to grips with the things I had done for them that they now have to do for themselves. If I expect appreciation and am disappointed when I don’t get it, I’ve made appreciation an idol in my life.

As for respect, yes, it’s a good thing if children respect their parents. “But it must not be the thing that controls my heart or I will personalize what is not personal, I will lose sight of my role as God’s representative, and I will fight for and demand what only God can produce." If I focus on getting respect from my teens, I may actually encourage the exact opposite response from the teen and they will grow to resent me.

If I want to have a bigger impact on my children, I need to make sure that God is first in my life and that I am trying to incorporate God’s story into every encounter with my teen. I haven’t exactly figured out how to do that in practical ways. Maybe as I continue to read the book, I will get some ideas. But, I know I don’t want to have idols getting in my way of loving and serving the teens in my life.