Burnout

Pastors need sabbaticals. Not necessarily to recover from burnout, but to prevent burnout. They work long weeks, often interrupted by “emergencies.” There are few professional jobs that require the same amount of commitment, flexibility, and people time as those involved in full time ministry. Along with extended sabbaticals, pastors and missionaries need regular time off to connect with family and God in different ways than the usual.

Elijah needed such a time out. He was burnt out on trying to get the northern tribes comprising Israel to repent and return to the worship of Jehoveh God. While much of his burnout was the result of trying to do things on his own, without God’s direct commands, the result was the same as many who are obedient to God: lots of effort, little hoped for results.

Elijah experienced depression, despondency, exhaustion, fear, and doubts. He was no longer sure of his role and mission that Jehoveh had planned for him. I’ve experienced all those emotions along with a lot of questions about my self-worth, purpose, and even, why I am even alive. I believe those feelings are the natural outcome of getting our eyes off God and His plans for us.

God measures success differently than we do. Our success or failure is not based on achieving tremendous outcomes. Success in God’s eyes is not about getting a promotion at work. Success according to God is not the act of accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior (although that’s the beginning). God measures our success by how obedient we are.

In some ways, Elijah was as unsuccessful as he thought he was. This is because he attempted to correct the Israelites apart from God’s plans. As much as I thought that Elijah was a great man of God, I was taken aback by a deeper study of the Scriptures. In 1 Kings 17:1 (CJB) it says,

Eliyahu [Elijah] from Tishbe, an inhabitant of Gil‘ad, said to Ach’av [Ahab], “As Adonai the God of Isra’el lives, before whom I stand, there will be neither rain nor dew in the years ahead unless I say so.”

This is a vow Eliyahu (Elijah) made to Ach’av (Ahab) the king of Israel. Notice Elijah says that there will be no rain or dew unless he says so. There is no record of God sending Elijah to the king to tell him this. Elijah did it on his own. God did give powerful gifts to Elijah – to use as He instructed – but Elijah took things into his own hands and decided what needed to be done. (Don’t we often do the same with our gifts and talents? Every Christian has been given spiritual gifts but I know I have at times used my gifts for my own glory or to seek worldly success.)

Elijah was trying to reshape Israel back into a kingdom that worshiped the God Almighty. He thought his wrath and attacks would do that. He thought that creating a drought and famine would get the people to recognize the one true God. Yet that’s not God’s way. If Elijah was in tune with God, and had been obedient, the efforts to turn Israel back to God would’ve coincided with God’s character. God’s plan has always been to change people’s course by showing mercy. Elijah missed that point.

So Elijah’s lack of success, his lack of obedience to God, and his working so hard and in dangerous situations, led to his burnout. We need to be praying for our pastors and missionaries (and anyone else in full time ministry for God’s sake). We need to pray they would know when to take time off. We also need to pray and work towards our individual churches knowing the importance of time off for our pastors and full time workers in ministry. And we need to give them, and not grudgingly, the time they need.

Choices

I’ve heard it said, “You can’t serve two masters.” That’s the basic message I found in 1 Kings 18.

The people in the northern tribes comprising Israel during the time of Elijah the prophet thought they could serve both the idol god, Ba’al, and the true God, Jehoveh. While we can’t be too critical of the average person in Israel, we can evaluate the religious leaders – the teachers of religion for the people. King Ahab had built false altars and had encouraged worship at those altars of the idols that Jezebel, his non-Hebrew wife, worshiped.

The false priests Ahab appointed were primarily worshipers of Ba’al, but they tried to appease the people by implying they were worshiping the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Israel) as well. The people followed blindly along, but the leaders and teachers are the ones God penalized.

The chapter tells a story about Elijah calling the people together after a three-year drought in order to have them decide which god they were going to follow. He had the prophets of Ba’al build an altar, put their choice bull on the wood on the altar, and call upon Ba’al. These prophets begged and pleaded with their “god,” with all kinds of shenanigans, to consume the offering. The prophets of Ba’al danced, shouted, and cut themselves from morning until late in the afternoon. Nothing happened. At one point, Elijah mocked them and said that perhaps their god was occupied in the bathroom. They feverishly picked up their attempts to get Ba’al to perform.

Late in the day, Elijah told them that that was enough and called to the people. He called out to the people, “How long are you going to jump back and forth between two positions? If ADONAI is God, follow him; but if it’s Ba’al, follow him!” (Verse 21). So Elijah told the people to look to the altar he had built. He had them pour buckets and buckets full of water all over the offering (the bull the Ba’al worshipers had given him), all over the wood, filling a trench around the altar.

At the time of the evening offering, Elijah simply prayed to God.

“ADONAI, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel, and that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your word. Hear me, ADONAI, hear me, so that this people may know that you, ADONAI, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back to you” (1 Kings 18:36-37, CJB).

God was calling them to repentance. When God’s fire fell upon the offering, it consumed everything, even the stones on which the offering had been laid. There was not a drop of water left anywhere. The people responded by falling on their faces and crying out, “ADONAI is God! ADONAI is God!” (Verse 39).

It’s the same for us today. We can’t worship idols and God at the same time. We have to choose. We can’t have our earthly desires and lusts and self-righteousness and be true worshipers of God. Many times people in Christian circles choose what parts of Scripture they are going to apply to their worship. Many times people in Christian circles listen to the leaders and teachers who construe Scripture to their own agendas. God will hold the leaders accountable, but He will also hold each person accountable to choose what it actually says in His Torah. We have to choose. We can’t say we follow Christ and then stretch Scripture to say what we think it should say or what we want it to say.

Droughts

Elijah pronounced a severe drought from God throughout the northern country of Israel, Sidon, and Tyre as evidence that God was not pleased with their idol worship. The drought rapidly became severe; there wasn’t even the evening or morning dew.

Of course, Elijah was not exempt from the consequences of the drought. God sent him to a wilderness area away from people. Elijah went. He didn’t know how he was going to survive. The drought became a learning experience for Elijah where he learned to trust God for his every need. There was a little stream that didn’t dry up right away. God did a remarkable miracle in ordering the ravens to bring Elijah food fit for human consumption each and every day. Have you ever tried to get a raven to do your bidding? Of course not! We just know they are not readily trained to even care about people. As a matter of fact, they are more likely to snatch seeds from our fields preventing a harvest.

Elijah grew to trust and rely on God in new ways during the drought. I’ve also experienced droughts. I’ve been emotionally isolated, away from people, distant from God, and away from the joy, happiness, love, and care of others (or at least it felt that way to me). During such times, I pleaded with God for the things I thought I needed. I was often wrong and God gave me exactly what I truly needed. Much like Elijah, God used the droughts in my life to deepen my trust in Him. Over time I’ve seen how He’s given me exactly what I needed, and many of the things I wanted. He used the droughts to drive me closer to, and more dependent,d on Him.

God gives another example of how a drought can work to draw us to Him. In Genesis, where I’ve been reading in my daily Quiet Times, an earlier drought is talked about. This drought drove Jacob and his sons to Egypt for their sustenance. They found Joseph, who they assumed was dead after the brothers sold him into slavery, in charge of Egypt’s vast resources. The drought would’ve wiped them out, but that was not God’s plan. He provided for them, by orchestrating the series of events (read Genesis 37-50) that allowed for them to be reunited with Joseph and to survive the drought. As the brothers repented before Joseph, they were also repenting before God, restoring relationships.

I’m thinking I do not want any more droughts. However, I’m also thinking if they drive me to depend more heavily upon the Almighty God for my care and sustenance, I welcome the hardship into my life. I hope I remember to turn to God with my whole heart and learn more deeply the depth, and the breadth of God’s power and love.

Dreams

The color was the deepest blue. The rays coming through the clouds dazzled my eyes. I was anticipating a great day. My life long companion was keeping step with me as we leisurely strolled through the crowd. Some were waiting in line and some were sitting and eating lunch. I couldn’t decide what to do first.

Out of nowhere, the sky became darkened and the clouds bunched together. They were ominous and my visions of a beautiful day rapidly dissolved. I instinctively turned to ask my husband what we should do, but he wasn’t there. Was this the beginning of a horror story? Looked around and everything was swirling around me. My feet lifted and set down but I did not know where to go or how to get there. Sheets of water were pummeling me so I took the first shelter I could find: a house of mirrors. I was swallowed up by the hallways, and when I turned around the entrance was no longer in my sight. There was screaming. Or was it in my head? My heart was galloping away within me. I tried to ask for help, but no one even turned to me when I tried to speak.

Then I was alone, running, ever running through the maze of mirrors, colliding headlong into panes of the silvery glass. My own reflection terrorized me; I thought it was a monster. After what seemed like hours, days, months I fell and was shaking. It was hopeless. I was trapped, alone. I reached for my purse with my diabetes supplies. It wasn’t there. In fact, I had no bag of any kind.

Where was my husband? Where was my protector? I withdrew inside myself; I don’t know how much time passed. Two men were grabbing me, forcing me to stand. I cried out for my companion, but he was not there. They forced me outside the maze then set me free. I was standing on hot black asphalt – an empty parking lot. I started running and screaming. I just knew my blood sugars were dropping with every step but I didn’t know what else to do. No money, no food, no credit card, no diabetes kit, and no phone. My face was wet, but it wasn’t raining anymore.

I sat up and heaved a sigh. Where was my husband? Lying beside me. I should’ve felt safe but didn’t.

That was a recurring dream I had often for many years. Sometimes in the dream (or should I call it a nightmare?) I would run helter-skelter through a shopping mall or a mountain resort looking for my husband. I felt that he had left me and didn’t care what happened to me. I was tormented by the thought, even once I was awake.

In talking with my therapist about these dreams, I came to realize that they were reflecting my thoughts and feelings about the world. I felt alone. I felt there was no one willing to help me. These dreams happened during the time I was struggling the most with my bipolar disorder and was convinced that nobody was going to stay by me or cared what happened to me.

I cannot remember having such a dream in a few years. My waking hours are crowded with people who care about me and are here to help me. And, I accept that love and concern. I’m thinking, as my recovery is ongoing, I have become less afraid of people leaving me. I’m especially more confident that my husband would not only never leave me, but he won’t leave me even for a short while without making sure I have what I need to survive (mentally and physically) while he’s gone. I am also more confident in myself and generally can appropriately take care of myself.

God created us to have dreams to tell us something. In Genesis 40, God gave the king’s deposed cupbearer and baker dreams. They also needed help to “interpret” them. Joseph enters the scene and gives them both an interpretation. My dreams, hopefully, do not reflect a future for me as the cupbearer’s and baker’s did, but enlighten my past and my present. And sometimes they are just bizarre things my mind comes up with during sleep.