Journaling

Today I realized that it’s been over three months since I wrote anything in my journal. This came up because my devotion for today was about how Luci Swindoll wrote in her journal everyday, and why and how she did it. It made me think of the reasons I journaled in the past and I was reminded of how important journaling is.

To start with, Luci quoted Deuteronomy 5:15, which says, “Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.” Her point was that a journal is a place to keep the memories of the ways God has worked in our lives. There are many places in the Old Testament (and some in the New Testament) that record, in writing, the acts of God on behalf of His people. A journal can be my record of God’s acts in my life.

So to restart my journaling, I wrote about the sadness I’ve been feeling for the last few days. I can’t identify one big thing that has happened in my life that has caused the sadness. In fact, there are things, some small and some a little larger, that have combined together to create a sense of sadness in me. And there are probably some things I haven’t yet identified that are adding to the sadness. And maybe it’s none of these things and I just have to accept the feeling, acknowledge it, and work on comforting myself.

My therapist suggested I try to draw the sense of sadness. As I sat with my journal in front of me, contemplating what the sadness looked like, the image that came to mind is the same as mixing up a bowl of cookie dough. It is not a static, still life that I can draw. It’s moving and swirling together to create something altogether new. It may start with individual elements (sugars, shortening, eggs, vanilla, flour), but it blends together to create something that has all the elements in it, but is something completely different than what it started as. Then we add the chocolate chips, the good part. And I realized my sadness is like that, too. As the mixture is blending, new thoughts and memories come to mind that bring up some happier thoughts. They stick up here and there in the swirling mass and poke out at different angles. There may be a lot of them or just a few, but they add to the feelings of loss and sadness as only they can.

I wrote all that down in my journal in words. The swirling and feelings didn’t go away but they feel more manageable now. I’ve laid them before God and I can wait to see how God works to bring me growth as I experience these feelings and let them exist separately and blended together.

And, I’m reminded of why journaling is a good thing.