Forgiving Myself

In studying the book of Genesis with a friend, I’ve come to Genesis 45 and was struck by Joseph’s comment to his brothers in verse 5.

First, a little background on Joseph. Joseph was his father’s favorite son, but his older brothers didn’t appreciate the favoritism in any way. In fact, they decided to do away with Joseph. Instead of putting him to death, as was their first thought, they made a little money off of him and sold Joseph to traders going to Egypt. They thought that Joseph was gone for good. Joseph became a slave, but eventually rose in power in Egypt because he listened to God and could interpret dreams given to the ruler of Egypt. Joseph was a boy, then a man, who trusted that God was in control even if he couldn’t see what God was doing.

Fast forward 37 years. There was a famine in the whole land, Egypt and Canaan and surrounding areas. Joseph, in his position of power in Egypt, had implemented a master plan that provided for all of Egypt, and anyone else who came asking, all the grain and food they could need. Joseph’s brothers show up begging for grain for their families in Canaan. Joseph recognized them, but they did not recognize Joseph. So Joseph put them through several tests to see if they were still the vengeful and selfish men they were when they sold him into Egypt. Through these trials, Joseph sees that the brothers became fearful and remorseful of their sins. So eventually Joseph revealed himself to them. His brothers were understandably afraid and repentant before Joseph.

Now verse 5. Joseph says to his brothers, “And now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life.” [NASB] Joseph, who had every right to be angry with his brothers, was conciliatory towards them. He told them to not be afraid, to not grieve, to not be angry with themselves because God had worked in and through the situation. What the brothers meant for evil purposes, God used for His purposes in preserving Joseph’s family.

Why does this strike me? I identify with the fear and remorse of the brothers. Just as Joseph had benevolently forgiven his brothers for God’s sake, Jesus forgives me for my sins. Yet, I worry and agonize and replay my sins over and over again in my mind. Joseph’s brothers had trouble believing in Joseph’s forgiveness, too. Many years later, after their father’s death, the brothers are again worried that Joseph will repay them for their sin against him. Genesis 50:15 tells us this: “When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, ‘What if Joseph should bear a grudge against us and pay us back in full for all the wrong which we did to him!’”

They still did not believe Joseph had forgiven them and were worried and anxious that they would be punished. But, just as before, Joseph reassures them, “But Joseph said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.’” [Genesis 50:19, 20; NASB] Joseph had no intention of holding their sin against them. Jesus has no intention of holding my sins against me. So, I need to stop being critical and self-loathing and forgive myself. I need to recognize Jesus’ forgiveness and move on with my life.

Just for today, I can try and do that. We’ll see if I remember tomorrow.