Post Surgery Thoughts

So, I’ve had both surgeries now and can see better without any glasses. The surgeries were uneventful and routine according to the doctor. However, they were not routine for me and, since I’ll never need the surgeries again, will never become routine for me. I’m glad that the doctor did not have any problems or complications to deal with. I’m glad I did not move or wiggle at the wrong moments. I’m glad that I’m now on the road to recovery and am able to see, with the help of reading glasses, enough to get back on the computer and write.

However, I’m not totally without disappointment. At the one-day-post-op appointment the doctor gave me some news – bad news to me. I will need glasses once the adjustment period for my eyes is up. The lenses they put in my eyes did not totally correct the distance vision so I will need glasses, just as I was getting used to looking at my face without glasses on. This is disappointing to me. It will probably be back to the bifocal thing since I can’t read without any glasses on.

Again, there’s a “however.” However, God was ultimately in charge. This is the way He worked out the details. I need to accept that this is God’s will for my life (and my vision). It calls into question my willingness to believe that God is in control. Am I totally convinced about God’s omniscience, omnipotence, love, mercy, grace, etc. Or do I just profess a faith that is surface deep and not part of my inner being. I think at times like this – when believing with my head is so difficult because things didn’t turn out the way I planned – I have to rely upon my heart. What does my heart really believe?

When I ask that question, I’m brought back to the time in my life when I did not know Jesus in a personal way. Life was so much worse and I had so little to hope in. Over time the joy of first meeting Christ has waned and surged many times. Right now I’m in a waning stage, but if challenged, I still know and believe the Truth. My hope and faith will surge again sometime. History has proved that.

So even without the perfect, as I see perfect, outcome to my surgeries, deep in my inner being, I recognize that this is somehow God’s perfect outcome. I wait expectantly for God to reveal to me why this was His perfect will.