Aftermath Time

The aftermath of a big party is almost as hard to deal with as the getting ready for. For weeks the party is in the back of your mind. Then nothing. Sure there’s lots I can be doing, but nothing is urgent. The lack of urgency makes me think I have all the time in the world, so I procrastinate.

That’s how I was when I was in college. The busier I was the more I got done. It seemed like there was always the next project, book, activity to do, so I didn’t procrastinate because procrastinating meant missing out on something to do. Looking back now, it seems like there were more hours in the day back then.

Even when on break from school terms, there seemed like there was always something I wanted to do that couldn’t get done when there were papers to write, and textbooks to read. But I also remember feeling a sort of let down, a sense that there was something I should be doing but was not. Work, during the summer months, filled much of that time. However, there was still time left without homework to fill.

Now that the open house for my daughter is over, I can do whatever I want. But, I am finding there is little to fill the time with. I remember thinking that someday I would be the master of my own time and activity like it was a good thing. Now I am the master of my time, and I struggle to find activity to fill it. I used to think there would never be enough time in the day to fit everything in. Now I find I have too much time on my hands – or too few ideas about what to do.

I’m not sure why it bothers me to have enough time to do whatever I want to do. Maybe because it feels unfamiliar. Maybe because I’m so used to having someone telling me what to do. Maybe it means I need to start a list of stuff to do for these open times. Maybe I just need to learn to relax and savor the freedom of the aftermath.