Victorious

“You have dependence issues.”

“What? I am not dependent on anyone. I like my independence. What are you talking about?”

“That’s the problem.”

This exchange happened over 12 years ago with the therapist I was seeing at the time. This was about a year into therapy and I would have none of it. I did not need anyone; I could do it on my own. I was raised on a steady dose of “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” Independence was prized in my family and I was going to be the best at it.

Reality is the problem. The more I tried to take care of everything myself, without some division of labor, the less I was able to get done. Two people, even if one is only half as efficient as the other, can still get more done than one person alone. (But, no one can do it right except me.)

Getting less done is not the only problem with trying to do it on my own. Probably more importantly, a lack of the ability to trust anyone else with part of the situation – afraid to be dependent upon someone else – leads to isolation and self-deception. This in turn can lead to thinking I know all there is to know about a subject, so I don’t need anyone else.

Biblically this is way off the mark. Scripture clearly says we need help; we need one another to hold us accountable. My favorite verse on this is James 5:16: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” I don’t like it. I don’t want to clue people in on my sins and struggles. I’m not sure it is natural for any of us; even Adam and Eve tried to hide their sin.

The question is, “Do you (I) want to be healed?”

As I said, I am not very good at this. However, recently a friend, an accountability partner, pointed out that no matter how insignificant it seems to me, God has been victorious in my life in this area. The very fact that I have an accountability partner (in addition to my best friend who lives in Minneapolis) and am sharing my struggles with her is different than my usual, historical way of living. Letting other people know where I’m at and letting them pray for me is another step in the right direction, away from trying to do it all on my own and towards Biblical dependence.