Avoiding Grief

From The Message, Proverbs 21:23 says, “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.” This gave me a lot to think about today.

I need to watch what I say and how I say things. I need to restrain myself from saying certain things. There are many situations in my life where not saying things may come in handy. Sometimes talking at all may just lead to an argument or hurt feelings. I need to be careful about what I say and how I say it.

The problem is communication is an important tool for parenting. The parent needs to communicate with the child and the child needs to communicate with the parent. There are lots of things that need to be said, and things that need to be heard. So not talking is not always the answer. But what is said and how it’s said is important to preventing miscommunication and hurt feelings.

As the parent, I need to model good communication so my children know what it looks like. This verse doesn’t say we should never talk to others; it just says we need to be careful about what and how we say things. The part about watching your words means to pick the words carefully so you are not picking hurtful words. I think the part about holding your tongue focuses on how we say something. For instance we shouldn’t say things in an angry or loud way. We need to be calm and kind, even when we are saying things that might be hard for a child to hear.

A saying I’ve heard around the AA tables puts it clearly: “Say what you mean; mean what you say; but don’t say it meanly.” If I was to follow this in all my attempts to communicate with my children I could do what the second half of Proverbs 21:23 says and save myself a lot of grief. Now to just get better at it and to teach it to the children and the others in my life that need to follow the instructions given in this verse.