Obligatory Thanksgiving Message. Yet Worth Writing

I’m sitting here, computer ready, fingers resting on the keyboard, wondering what I can write about Thanksgiving. I look into the gaping hole in my life and say, “Thankful! Thankful for what?!” There are so many things I want that are out of reach – for now or forever. AA has a saying, “If we have fear it is because we fear losing something we have or fear we won't get something we want.” For me this kind of fear makes being thankful hard.

Paralysis, mentally and emotionally, caused by my fears – bordering on paranoia at times – keeps me from enjoying reasonable hopes, dreams, expectations, contentment, and happiness. Fighting against my stubborn fear is the truth: I have many reasons to be thankful.
People are always saying to me, “Stop being so negative.” People are quick to point out my pessimism. I acknowledge it is easier for me to see the glass as half empty. Try as I might, I cannot find gratefulness inside myself. That’s where the pessimism likes to hang out. I cannot pull myself up with my own hands, gripping my own bootstraps. Thankfulness can only come from my Higher Power. Petra (a Contemporary Christian Rock band), in Thankful Heart, sings,

“Your steadfast love - I'll never be alone
I have a thankful heart that you have given me
And it can only come from you.”

A thankful heart is given to me. I cannot manufacture or develop it on my own. This does not negate my responsibility to exercise and practice gratefulness. One AA sponsor said to practice by giving thanks at least 100 times a day. She said that it might include red lights or the argument with my teenage daughter. Her point: We don’t know why these apparently “bad” things happen. These annoyances get in our way of getting what we want, but they may be instruments used to save us from a more dangerous situation. I have found myself saying, “Okay, I don’t know why [this] happens, but I don’t have to know; just give thanks."

What are you grateful for today? Be specific. Today I’m going to share things I’m thankful for with as many people as I can. Starting now, with you:

Loving husband
Advancements in medicine (insulin pump!)
Great daughter
Husband’s job security
Great son
Higher Power (whom I call Jesus Christ)
Extended Family
Sobriety
House
Purpose for life
Cars
Therapist(s) (current and past)
Friends
My computer
Alcoholics Anonymous
Forgiveness
Celebrate Recovery
Talents
Intellect
Knowledgeable and caring doctors
Nurse practitioner
YOU, whoever/wherever you are!